The Beat Of Your Heart Will Ignite

Part 18 - The Decision..

*LIZZY'S POV*

Jay was never supposed to find out this way. I was going to tell him. But I was going to tell him in my own time. I feel so bad but I haven't been happy with him for a long time. I'm just good at hiding my feelings and what I actually feel. I never wanted to hurt him and I never wanted to break his heart...well I guess I was always going to break his heart but he was never supposed to find out I'd slept with Tom.

It only happened twice; could have happened more since we were always drunk when it did happen. I kinow that's no excuse for it happening but it did and there is nothing that can change that. The only thing which makes this worse is baby Nathan...it will kill Jay if he isn't his son because he's grown to love him so much and it would hurt him so much if he had to give the baby up to Tom. Tom, who was supposed to be his bestfriend but slept with his girlfriend behind his back.

Kelsey? What is she going to say about this whole thing? I hope it doesn't ruin what her and Tom have because they are just so perfect together and they make each other so happy. If they break up, it'll be all my fault and that will totally kill me. I need to talk to Jay and I need to talk to Tom. I have to make them see why I did what I did and I need them to both understand. I need them to understand just how sorry I am for what I did. I've hurt Jay and I've probably made Tom feel like complete crap...I suppose that's just the effect I have on people.

For the first time in a week, I dragged myself from bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a white vest top from the drawer; pulled my converse on and picked a random hoodie out of the wardrobe. I think it might have been Jay's but I wasn't really paying attention to be honest, I just took it and walked quickly down the stairs. I heard the door slam about fifteen minutes ago so I decided I was going to try and find Jay first. I ran straight out of the door, totally forgetting to close it behind me, and an as quickly as I could down the drive and onto the street - silence filled the air since there was no one there, they were all hidden away in their houses to escape the chill which had recently appeared in the air. I knew where Jay would go whenever he was upset...the tree in the park where he took me for out first date. We had a picnic there and it was so romantic. It was the best day of my life and I wish I could still feel the way I did then; but it's just no possible anymore. I walked down the street and took the first left I came to, I was going to take the back way there so that I could avoid all the journalists at the end of the road. They knew we lived down here but they never found our house because we always took the back way home so we could avoid them.

After about a ten minute walk; I reached the park and I headed in the direction of our tree. As I got closer, there was a figure under the tree and they had their head on their knees. I immediately recognised the curly hair and as I got closer, I become certain that the figure was Jay. I appraoched him slowly for fear that he might try to kill me if I got too close, too quickly.

"What do you want?" he mumbled through the tears as he looked up at me.

"Just let me explain. Please Jay!"

"Explain what Lizzy? How you lied to me for nearly a year? How you've always told be Nathan was mine? Or how about why you slept with my bestfriend?" he said to me, almost shouting with what little strength he had left.

"I was going to tell you, but when I found out I was pregnant I didn't want to leave you. I really do believe Nathan is yours and if he isn't then I am so sorry for all the pain and hurt I've caused you..." I replied, trying to be as sympathetic and as understanding I could. I knew I was in the wrong and I should have told him as soon as I found out I was pregnant that there was a chance the baby might not be his. I just didn't want to lose him. I thought the baby would bring us closer together and would remind me of the love we once shared...guess I was wong about that.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I guess I didn't want to lose you. You mean everything to me Jay, but I just don't love you anymore!" I said. I could feel the tears building in my eyes but I was trying my best to keep them in. I had to be strong since Jay was already in bits and god knows what would happen if I broke down as well.

"But if you told me this from the start then things might be different. I just can't bring myself to even want to be friends with you right now Lizzy. You meant everything to me and you cheated on me...with my bestfriend, then got pregnant and made me believe that the baby was mine. Had you mentioned the fact there was another person, I wouldn't have grown to love this child as much as I have done over the past nine months!"

"You will never understand just how sorry I am Jay and I didn't sleep with Tom to hurt you..."

"So why did you do it then?" he asked as he looked me in the eyes for the first time since I had sat down next to him.

"I was drunk, he was drunk and we had no idea what we were doing. I know that's not an excuse or a reason, but it's the truth. I never meant to hurt you and I am so sorry for all this pain I have caused you..." I replied and with that I stood up and went to walk away.

"Lizzy..." I heard him mumble from behind me.

"Yes Jay?" I replied with a sense of hope in my voice.

"I want you out of the house by the end of the week and I don't want to see Nathan until you can prove he is my baby..." he said and with that my heart broke into a million pieces at once. How could he just throw us out on the street like that? Me I can understand...but what has Nathan done to deserve this?

"Where are we supposed to go?"

"I don't care Lizzy, anywhere that isn't my house. You've got family back in Bolton...go live with them!" he replied, as he stood up and walked towards me, not even caring that he was going to be losing both me and his potential baby.

"What if Nathan is yours? What then?"

"We'll work something around work and I'll see him when I can but I'm not worrying about that until you prove he is mine. Goodbye Lizzy and I hope you have a good life..." he said as he walked past me and off in the direction of his house. I guess there is no changing his mind and  I never did get a chance to ask him what happened to his face. I hope he is alright but then again, suppose it is a bit too late to care about him now. Especially after everything I've done.

I slowly walked off in the same direction as him. Why put off the inevitable for any longer...better go back and start packing my stuff. Although, before I do that I need to make sure it's alright with my mum if I go and live with her for a while. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled her number; I then put it to my ear and listened to the ringing tone. It wasn't long before my mum answered;

"Hey mum..." I said.

"Hey Lizzy, what's up?" she replied.

"I need a place to stay, is it alright if I stay with you for a while?" I asked, still holding back the tears which were still forming in my eyes.

"What happened with you and Jay?"

"I'll explain when I get there, me and Nathan just need somewhere to stay until I get back on my feet..."

"You know you're always welcome here. Me and your dad miss you; it'll be nice to see you and meet our grandson. When can we expect to see you?" she replied happily.

"Tomorrow afternoon?"

"I look forward to it then. I love you Lizzy!"

"I love you too mum!" I replied and with that I hung up.

At least someone was always going to be there for me. Even if Jay was going to throw me out on the streets and leave his possible baby with me. If it turns out that Jay isn't that father, then life as a single mother was going to be difficult because I'm pretty sure Tom wouldn't want anything to do with him...it would mean destroying his relationship with Kelsey. And he would never do that.

Before I leave tomorrow though, I need to talk to Tom. I need to apologise and I need to make him realise that I never wanted any of this to happen. I just want him to be happy and I want him to forget about what happened with me and him; it should never have happened and I should never have let it happen. Now because of me, Jay has been hurt both emotionally and physically. No number of apologies will ever make up for that...