The Feeling

Regret

Forth POV

I exited Pim's apartment building and sat down on my car. I stared at the steering wheel recalling what just transpired.

"Am I really in love with her?" I mumbled under my breath. I hit the wheel multiple times in my frustration.

"What about Beam?" Something pierced in my chest with the thought of my bestfriend leaving me. Tears flowing independently as I hold my chest in pain. I'm confused. What is this I'm feeling? Is this because of Beam?

I need to see him. I need to talk to him.

I dialed Beam's number.

No response. My heart tightened.

I dialed again. No response again.

"Shit!", I wore my seatbelt in a hurry then drove away to Beam's place. I intend to clarify things with him today.

At Beam's place...

I rang the doorbell multiple times in Beam's unit.

"Who the hell?!" He growled as he opened his door.

"Forth!" He exclaimed. "What are your doing here this early?"

His eyes are puffed. Obviously from crying all night. Something from that sight scratch my heart lightly.

I absentmindedly touched his face. "Forth..." He said softly.

"You were crying all night weren't you?" He avoided my gaze. I sure hit the mark.

"What are you saying? Why would I be crying all night? I have no boyfriend to mourn for! Haha!" He awkwardly chuckled at his own joke.

"Won't you invite me in?" I asked.

"Forth..." He looked at me confused. "Pimada will be jealous if she knew you're here."

"I don't care Beam. I need to talk things out with you." I replied coldly. "We're going to talk or let's forget that we were ever friends."

It's a bluff. A bravado born from my desperation.

"Okay Forth come in." He relented as expected.

I walked to his living room and sat on the couch. He went straight to the kitchen and came back a little refreshed holding a tray with coffee and sandwiches.

He was placing them on the coffee table when I remarked, "You still know my favorites even though we have not done this for a long time." He served me chicken sandwiches and black coffee. My favorite breakfast combo.

I took a bite. Heaven!

I took a sip. Perfect!

He knows my preference to the last detail.

But as much as I want to savor this moment. I need to start straightening things out with him.

🎶I'm sinking faster and faster
Between heaven and disaster🎶

"Beam..."

I held his hands and fixed my eyes on his.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you but I don't have anyone else to talk to but you. You're my best buddy, Beam." I started. "Let me be honest with you. Pimada and I argued this morning. I learned things about her that shocked me."

My eyes began to water. "I..."  unsure of how to make my thoughts into words.

"I am in a relationship with a fake woman. The one I ate breakfast with earlier... is not the one I fell in love with." I sobbed.