The closed book

The secret

Eddy has never been to a gay bar. But he promised Jason, his university friend, that he'd give it a shot. He doesn't understand what's the fun of dragging a straight guy into a gay bar and doesn't want to be the party pooper, but Jason, being the party animal he is, remains insistent. 

"C'mon, it'll be fun! We have some really nice drag shows too." Jason winks and bumps Eddy by the shoulder as they discuss it after class.

"Alright, as long as it doesn't ruin the night for you." Eddy shrugs, being the open guy he is. Man, he has read some yaoi manga in his own time and to be completely honest, he didn't find them boring at all. Gay bars might just be like that. 

*      *      *

It is a full house night. Eddy is sipping his gin and tonic on a stool in the corner and watching Jason dancing fervently with a guy he just met. The music is almost too loud for his classical musician ears. He narrows his eyes as the smog and laser lights spill all over the room. 

Then something catches his eye. 

A small, bespectacled man is capering in the middle of the dance pool with his eyes closed and an almost undiscernable smile. His arms are swooshing to the music without missing a beat. Strays of hair are strewn over his pale forehead, dyed purple by the lights. The navy blue shirt is well-fitted to his lean body, his shoulders and chest, however, look round and plump under the thin fabric. He throws his head back and his neckline extends in an alluring way, his collar wide open as his collarbones show. 

"What the hell..." Eddy mumbles to himself. Is that his best friend?

A big guy starts humping the small man from behind with a smirk, a glass in his hand. The small man feels it and leans back, sitting into the humps almost as if they are fucking. The small man turns around with his eyes still closed, his smile deepening. His slender arms reach up for the big guy's neck and pull the guy's face down—

"Excuse me." A deep and somehow cold voice raises next to Brett. It strikes the small man like a lightning, whose eyes flap open at once.

"EDDY?!" The small man blurts out with a tiny voice break. He freezes as his hand is still on the big guy's face.

"Hi, Brett," Eddy smiles a smile that sends a chill down Brett's spine. "Now, if you'll excuse us," he nods to the big guy, grabs Brett by the arm that freezes in the air, and drags him away.

*       *       *

Cool air swoops in once Brett and Eddy are outside the club. Brett shivers a bit. Eddy buttons up the shorter man's collar and shakes his head. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brett asks. He fidgets in distress for a bit and fishes out his lighter and lights a cigarette. 

"I'm here with a friend," Eddy answers matter-of-factly as he shoves one hand into one of his trousers' pockets. He gestures to Brett for a cigarette with the other. 

"I mean," Brett lights Eddy's cigarette and finds his own hand trembling. "You know what I mean."

"No, I'm not gay. I'm just here because my friend insists and I'm a straight man open to lots of other...posibilities," Eddy says as he takes a long drag. He is eyeing Brett, who is obviously nervous. He's avoiding eye contact with Eddy. "Fun times, huh?"

Brett strokes his forehead. "You're not supposed to find out like this." 

"Is that why you're always late to the shooting? Is that why the girls always feel like they can talk to you? Why have you never told me this even though we are childhood friends and basically best friends?" 

"Jeez," Brett scoffs. "Calm down. So I'm gay. Big deal."

"It is not a big deal that you're gay. It's a big deal that you are obviously hiding this from me and clearly don't feel comfortable telling me about it. It's a big deal that you clearly frequent the bar and don't often engage in healthy relationships." 

"I'm not hiding," Brett says defensively. But then his voice diminishes. "We just...don't really talk about this kind of stuff."

"We don't really talk about this kind of stuff? Seriously?" Eddy snorts. "Didn't I describe every detail of Toni's and I's first time when you slept over at my place? Didn't I use to always talk about the hot chicks in the orchestra? Dude," Eddy licks his dry lips. "Did you feel comfortable when I talked about all that? And you actually suggested going to a strip club with me to cheer me up when Toni and I broke up? To see naked girls? I'm so angry and guilty at the same time right now," Eddy shakes his head, "I don't even know human emotions are capable of that."

Brett looks down at his own feet. 

"I have my reasons." 

Eddy feels an ache in his chest. His best friend is not exactly an open book but at least he thought he is the person that knows him best in the world. But turns out that he doesn't have his hundred percent faith. 

He pulls Brett into a firm embrace. He takes a drag over the shorter man's head. 

"I love you, man. I can't take big secrets like this between us. I love you no matter who you are and what you do. I'm just worried. I want you to feel like you can be open with me. About anything." 

The two of them fall into silence. Brett then raises an arm to pat the taller man on the back in a stiff manner.

"I know, man. I know."