It's really messed up how a lifetime of endless possibilities just suddenly ends,
It was the ultimate death of you,
Death of a companion, best friend, soul mate, blanket hogger, my featured comedian buddy during a long night of sets, my protector, a baby that i need to nurture when you had one of your "Man Colds", my lover, my then future, my now present,
who am I gonna laugh with, when I beat you by your own cleverest quip? Or when I do something extremely embarrassing and I look back to find you picking up the dignity I left outside of the door? Whose hand am I gonna hold when long dark nights are scaring me with distant shadows? Whom am I gonna see when I turn my head and catch you smiling at me during a red light sitting in the drivers seat and I undoubtedly urge you to "keep your eyes on the road" once the light changes to green,
confession: you're a horrible driver.
I can draw you endless road maps and bus routes on reasons not to go to London. I can open countless pages on the horrible english weather, the unseasoned tasteless food, the sketchy people who can rob you with their charming accents...all of it.
confession: i don't hate London.
I hate the circumstances, I hate time, I hate space, I hate finding something great and then realizing its out late and ready to pack up and move on, honestly it scares me that I still love unexpected circumstances, evolving time, ever changing space..but I love love and Im willing to go through heartbreak and pain so I can see a glimmer, I can feel the endless happiness wash over me from head to toe, lathering me in it's scent of long lasting despair, that's the feeling, that feeling is something I could envision even just for a euphoria of simple moments, welcome it into my life, Something I can wave hello to from time to time and invite it over, maybe for just one night or maybe for a lifetime, thats the thing about love it is completely unexpected, it comes when it will and leaves when it must.
confession: i still love you.
I am completely jealous of London. It gets to hold you in its loving embrace. The wind gets to whisper "I love you's" and hand out countless compliments on your morning strolls or evening walks. Footsteps on the colorful painted cobblestone pavements and a plethora of twinkling streetlights lighting your step ever so often guiding an unexpected path or a path you walked a million times before.
