I didn't expect this to happen to me. I didn't expect the aching pain in my heart and the feeling in my gut as though somebody had punched me. I didn't expect the swarming wasps stinging all over me. i didn't expect the weeping wind, blowing past in a light breeze. I was caught of guard. When i switched i thought everything would be fine. I thought the world would be good. i wouldn't have to worry about anything.
But i learned a valuable lesson, dont make spur of the moment decisions. stay with your friends, stay close to home, dont lose the world or the people you love. Beloved you need to stay alight and happy and carefree. Beloved. You need to know exactly what you want out of this world of cruel indecisiveness. Cruel heart, Broken love, aching, screaming, never ever being.
The change i didn't think would happen to have any consequences. After all humans can adapt to almost anything, as is scientifically proven. Yet i feel as though im in the primitive times with my discomfort , everlasting, depression, sadness. The scream for help unbearable.The need to turn back time to the poison wine, to the world of comfort.
The world of the knowing, peacefulness yet seeming sadness. Peaceful sadness. Distressful Happiness. A constant weight, ever bearing, A constant hate, underlining the tone of the conversation, the high school community. I dont know who to trust sometimes since they seem to be so strange so little so weird so brittle.
So strange, cruel cruel world. Lover of shattered glass. A pull to the venom of a snake. Back to the addiction, The killing, The loosing, never winning. Back to the calling on phones at three am thinking, why cant you just be thinking about me. I dont know who else to trust if you are going to keep on belittling to keep on torturing to keep on berating me. Violated, Thrown into a pit of quicksand. Sinking, no way out.
Help, the torture calls me. Come to me child, You will live in your pain. To stay would be to live a lie of something that doesnt exist. Give in, Give in to it. Give in to the sinking sand. Thrash and flail try to get out, The wind will only blow harder, the snakes venom will sting more.
To fight is to lose and to be peaceful is to die. No way out. No way to go no where to go. A lost soul, A shattered mirror. An endless addiction. Holding me in its grasp forever.
