Lay Me Down (A Jongkey Christmassy Short Story) 《COMPLETED》

And I Don't Want to Be Here

Kibum's POV

"Oh Bummie," laughs Yeri. Her eyes crinkling up in the adorable smile.

"I, it's stupid, but there's no way he would love me back," I give her a look.

"Bummie," she laughs almost in a 'I'm stupid' way, "Jonghyunnie loves you too, I can see it written all over his face. You just need to quite being a dumbass and confess to him," she gives me a different look.

My best friend, me and her went way back, we had such a remarkable friendship. And our sarcastic attitudes just somehow always went well together. We dated for a week when we were younger before we realized that's not what either of us wanted. And right around that time is when I figured out the endless love I have towards Jonghyun. It was right after me and her broke up, and he sat there with me through the night giving me endless amounts of hugs.

"Listen," I say letting the real emotion hit my voice," I'll tell him tomorrow, for tonight let's hang out."

I could hear her sigh in protest, I can't blame her. I sat here through the day telling her the endless amount I love my best friend, and telling her I want so much more with him than what we are right now. And how much it hurts to have him next to me, but not as mine. But yet here I am, chickening out of my own want. All because I wouldn't want everything between me and him to go away.

Even I can't help but laugh at my stupid thoughts. Tomorrow, I will confess everything to him, every drop of feeling and emotion I feel will be proclaimed to him.

But for now, I had to stop the racing of my mind at even the slightest thought of it. The thought of him not liking me back, pricking the side of my skull. The dryness in my throat at even at the thought of it all. I know for now, I can't let it consume me, because I don't know the truth, and I won't know the truth until tomorrow.

Me and Yeri hang around and talk for the rest of the evening. The dawning thoughts taking me in and out of dream land. But somehow Yeri understands perfectly and let's me go for tonight. And when she leaves, she gives me a small hug telling me everything will be ok. Something I don't even think I believe fully.

Laying down in bed that night, my stomach never felt more in knots. Something threatening to find it's way back up my throat. The low voice of mom on the phone in a room away doesn't peak my normal curiosity to know who she is talking to.

The black ceiling stares down at me as my mind is so consumed of my worries tomorrow. The thoughts swirling around my head as the ball keeps dropping in my stomach causing an almost sick like feeling in it. I can't even feel my eye lids start to droop, or my body being tired. I never felt so wired and ready to run a mile unlike any other day. This fast beat in my chest it almost feels ungodly. The sound of my heart echoes off the white walls of the room. I never felt like I could go any more crazy than I am right now in this moment.

But somehow sleep can finds it's way to me.

>>>>>

The beeping of my stupid alarm clock is what wakes me up. The daunting sound of I have to confess my feelings to Jonghyun today because I told Yeri I would. The beating in my chess speeds up at the thought of it again. Groaning, the twist feeling in my stomach doesn't seem to be going away either. But still, I have to do it today, or I won't ever.

So getting up and dressing in my most fancy school clothes I decide not to think too much into what I look like today. Fixing the blonde locks that threaten to fall into face, staring back at me in the mirror is slightly panicked eyes. Trying to shake the feeling loose, I don't want to seem not confident. So grabbing my stuff for school, and quickly shoving on some shoes I head to the bus stop. And there already stood Yeri, a smile on her face with her bonnet on her head and a purple coat perfectly fitting her frame with her brown "Ugg" boots on her feet.