I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITHOUT YOU

BREAK MY BROKEN HEART

    FLASHBACK

     "Did you hear that Wayo from grade 10 is a gay?"

   "What! The one that wears ugly glasses! Ewww, I don't want any one of his 'Kind' (gay) to even study in our school, they are disgusting, how did you know? Uhh I don't want him near me"

  "Yeah, good thing he is not from our class, I wonder how the students from class 10 are bearing it, I would have transferred school if he was from our class."

"Why should you transfer school, he should be the one who should transfer school, he doesn't deserve to study with us"

  I heard some students gossip as I walked towards my classroom.

It's been a week since P'Pha's graduation and it's been a week since I'm being treated as an epidemic in my own school.

Every word I hear about me makes me want to rip my heart apart. I don't know what I did to be treated
in a hostile way. No amount of words can express the pain that I'm going through, everybody hates me and they feel disgusted by me. And to make it worst the only person who matters the most to me also feels disgusted by me and by my love.

But I'm glad that I have Ming by my side, if it weren't for him, I don't know what I would have done by now.

  The moment I enter my classroom,it becomes all quite, every ones looking at me with disgust in their eyes.

"God, why is he still here, can't he just die, I don't think I can bear being in the same room with him"

  I hear my class mates whispering.

I walk towards my desk, someone had scraped a huge "FAGGOT" on it.
I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I had tried to be strong but right now all I wanted to do was runaway, run away from all this pain all this hatred and disgust and hide.

  I couldn't hold it any longer, I ran out of my class towards the washroom, tears flowing continuously, I shut myself in one of the toilets and wept my heart out, I didn't wanted to be loud but I couldn't control myself. I can feel my heart ripping apart, it feels like every  broken piece is being continously stabbed and I can't do any thing about it. This enormous pain is killing me.

I can't change who I am, I can't change my situation, my love, I'm helpless right now.

I stare at the ceiling above me as tears fall down through my eyes, I have been crying continuously for the past week and I don't feel any better. I try to console myself and try to be brave but every second I am losing hope.

I stare at the ceiling and I feel my heart getting heavier with each passing minute. My whole body feels numb and I don't want to move. My mind feels numb too and I can't think, I don't want to.

For the past week I have been recalling my conversation with P'Pha and his words rings loud and clear in my head "FUCKING FAGGOT" the disgust in his eyes.
I have been hearing the same word "faggot" for so many times this past week and even though it really hurts, the pain is nothing compared to the one inflicted by P'Pha. I don't know what I did wrong to be treated this way. Is being a gay really so disgusting that people stop treating you like a human being and say whatever they want to, not even caring about your feelings even for a second. Is it a curse?

I sat on the toilet floor as I think about all these things, my body is sore from sitting in the floor for so long. I didn't realise that its aready noon. I stood up and opened the door.

I was shocked to see Ming standing by the sink. Seemed like he had been there the whole time and he was waiting for me to calm down.

He looks at me with worried eyes and smiles.

" Are you okay? Do you wanna go home?"

"No Ming, I'm fine. I just needed some time but I'm okay now" I said moving towards the sink to wash my messed up face.

"I don't know who did that but if I find him I will surely kill him, you don't worry, I've got your back buddy," he said handling me his handkerchief to wipe my wet face.

I look at myself in the mirror.

"I'm a mess Ming" was all that crept through my lips.

I don't know who spread the news about me being gay throughout the school, but I have my doubts, and I don't want it to be true. I don't want the one who spread the news to be P'Pha, if it is him than that would be devastating.

It's been nearly two weeks since that day and I've been skipping school. My dad's out of town for a business trip.

For the past weeks Ming has been coming to my house every afternoon. His company makes me feel safe and secure. Even when dad's not here, I am glad that I have Ming to hold on.

"You can't skip school forever Yo, lets attend classes from tomorrow, and if someone says anything about you I will make sure he learns his lesson, I will protect you, don't worry, lets just go to school from tomorrow"

  He is right I can't skip classes forever. I can't keep on running away, I have to face it.

"Okay."