----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Flashback Sequence)
Days after my horrifying birthday “gift”, I was caught between depression and rage. I couldn’t tell if it was just the bipolar or a normal reaction to what had happened to me. Probably both.
Weeks passed. I barely slept, barely ate. My thoughts were dark and I couldn’t climb out of the hole I was in no matter how much medication they gave me. But at Westburry, nobody cared. Nobody loved me anyway so why would now be any different?
One night after months of deep, dark depression, I went numb. I felt nothing. No pain, no feelings, no emotion. I had hit an all-time low. I was so desperate to feel again. I wanted something to relieve what I was (or should I say wasn’t) feeling.
I walked to my bathroom and eyed my eye pencil sharpener. Two beautiful silver blades called out to me. I broke the sharpener releasing the blades. With one in hand, I pressed the cool, steely edge against my skin. The next feeling I will remember for the rest of my life. I felt pain. I felt release. I felt the silent screams leaving my body at the expense of a blade. But most importantly, I FELT. And that was good enough for me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next Monday at school I walk through the doors and see him. Brandon. The utmost perfection. He glances around and his flawless blue eyes catch mine. My palms get sweaty and my heart starts to race as I realize he’s walking over to where I’m standing. I look around. Surely he isn’t walking to ME. I mean why would he? If he only knew my story, he wouldn’t even give me a second look. My thoughts are interrupted by Brandon’s voice. Almost angelic. Smooth like silk.
“Hey! It’s Sydney, right? We sit next to each other in English.” Wow. Was he really talking to me? “Umm yeah,” I stutter nervously. “Well, I’m on my way to Calculus. Could I drop you off at your class?” “Umm sure,” I stutter again. Was this really happening? “I have choir next,” I say.
And now, I think to myself as we start to walk; starts the next hopeful chapter of my crazy, delusional, life.
YOU ARE READING
Searching for Love
SpiritualThis is a story based on truth. Join me as we look into the life of Sydney Dawson, a bipolar orphan who is searching for real love. The question is, what is real love? This story takes place in real life situations and flashbacks. The flashbacks are...
