As I get ready for bed, I think about the events of the day. Asked out on a date by Brandon, having taco night with Cindy, and talking about the upcoming Saturday. I text Brandon goodnight and jump under my covers. I wonder what he’s doing tonight. I wonder if he thinks about me before he falls asleep or if he sees me in his dreams the way I do about him.
I think about my dad and his (and my) family. Will I like them? Will they like me? Only time will tell. And then I think about God. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. Yes, I question why he’s put me through such horror. But then I question why he’s given me so much to be thankful for. As I wish on the shooting star that just flew across the sky, I think to myself, maybe God’s not so bad after all.
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(Flashback Sequence)
After talking with Cindy, I felt better; like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had forgotten how much emotional baggage I had until I talked about my feelings. Imagine that. Sydney Mia Dawson talking about her feelings. I guess miracle do happen.
When I got back to my room after my visit, I retreated to the bathroom to meet with my sharp-tongued friends. Love at first cut, I guess you could say.
Oh the hours upon hours I spent in there having quality time with them. At least they listened. At least they didn’t shut me out. They made me feel. They made me hurt. And that was good enough for me.
With the cold floor beneath me and the warm air above me, my fingers traced the molding of the tile. I thought about my dad. He’s probably having a great life without me. Alcohol, drugs, and girls. What a life – if you’re into that kind of thing. I thought about my mom. I wished I could see her just once. See her eyes light up or see her smile. I thought about Cindy. Is there a future there? I guess we’ll see. And finally, I think about me. I think about all of my defects and why that makes me who I am. If there is a God out there, why would he love me? I have nothing. No hope, no joy, and no love.
And with that, a tear falls from my eye and splashes on the bathroom tile.
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YOU ARE READING
Searching for Love
SpiritualThis is a story based on truth. Join me as we look into the life of Sydney Dawson, a bipolar orphan who is searching for real love. The question is, what is real love? This story takes place in real life situations and flashbacks. The flashbacks are...
