Alive

Chapter 4

RCA ACTIVITY LOG:
Task <Gemini> beginning (...0.5%...)
Oh no. I really made a mess. I can faintly make out Instinct snickering at me as I silently yell at the voice to shut it. At least I got the eggs done, on the positive side.
As compared to what eggs should look like, they are a bit... Pale.
No matter. I figured it to be a violation of personal safety if I put something as dangerous as food coloring in something as simple as eggs, regardless of the fact that Instinct urged me coarsely to obey. I did not.
Also, my energy levels are up a touch high because I was connected to Walter's laptop all night. This is causing my hands to shake and have a world of trouble with the usual motions. So imagine someone with hands shaking quickly trying to accurately crack an egg.
That would be an under-explanation of what just happened.
There is egg on the countertops that I am working on tidying up and in my concentration I drop the hot pan on the floor. It makes a sizzling noise, but I pay no mind to it. It probably just fell in a puddle of water.
I a, so absorbed in my pathetic efforts to clean that I don't notice that Walter has woken up. I hear Instinct yelp (which is rattling enough on its own) and turn to see him squinting at the floor.
Well, what could possibly be wrong with the floor?
I scan for a while and then I see it. Oh dear.
Dammit! why did I drop that pan?!
The hideous green-brown tile is turning to a blackish-greenish-brownish color as the plastic tile floor slowly melts.
I apologize profusely, as I didn't see that the floor was melting, and for ruining his home, but he doesn't want to worry about it.
We eat in silence, partially because eating is a very difficult process for me that requires much concentration and partially because Walter is upset for some reason. I can see it. He's kind of skulking... I don't want him to be sad. He's like a father to me. 'Is something wrong?' I ask him after finishing off the last of the surprisingly tasty (considering their appearance) eggs and sitting back at the chair where I was last night. I assume he would want to go right back down to business. I am correct. He shrugs off the question and carries the laptop gently back to the table. He connects me via a wireless (yes, they do still have those) connector and I sit for a while in deep concentration, detecting and allowing the synchronization to run through... Goodness knows why but the synchronization process is always hella relaxing.
Woah. Hella? Woah? My language is changing-
'Maybe lay off on the slang a little,' I say nonchalantly. 'I've never been a huge fan of it...'
He nods, says "of course", and changes it back to the way it was. Thanks, Walter. I don't ever want to hear a single slang word again. Just as I conclude this thought, Instinct finds his voice and said, 'well, at least we don't talk pretty boy talk anymore!' Oh, the inner shame.............. 'Goddammit,' I think, 'don't think about yourself in such a demeaning manner!' 'You can't stop me!' 'Yes I c-' I am interrupted by a squinting Walter clearing his throat and looking at me strangely. "You okay there, kid?" I nod, not really favoring the option of telling him about Instinct. Something tells me that I'd cause him trouble if I told him. I realize that I absolutely despise even the thought of inconveniencing anyone.
Well, that's a useful observation.
'Still figuring yourself out?' Instinct teases and I feel frustrated. 'Not right now,' I admonish and, ignoring Instinct's bitchy jabs, I turn to Walter. " I don't really know what you mean by that question," I say as I stare dumbly into his eyes.
So this is what regret and humiliation is like.
He makes a face and said, "well, you got all weird on me for a second, you know, just staring at the floor and growling and such."
Wait, I was growling?
Instinct was obviously trying to hold back his laughter.
"I'm okay, I think I just need to sit differently or something."
And at this Instinct began to go absolutely ballistic.
Walter just looked at me for a little while and then seemed to accept what I'd said.
"Well, by all means, please do. I don't want you to growl at me again."
I feel instantly worried.
"I'm sorry..."
"It's fine, it just caught me by surprise a little, is all..."
Crap. I reach my feet up on the chair and sit on my calves. I like this way of sitting better. "So," Walter continues, "What I was going to say is that you need a name."
Good idea. A name brings me one step closer to a personality. Ignoring Instinct's loud scoff, I think openly about the names I could have. But the only one that I knew was Walter. "Can I just be Walter?"
He chuckles. "No, because that's my name." I groan and he says to reassure me, "Don't worry, we'll find one."
A question crosses my mind.
"I wonder..." I mumble, staring at the floor. It feels for a second as if there's a hole in my throat.
I'm guessing this is sadness.
"What was that, Kid? Couldn't really hear you there.."
Instinct seems to be annoyed with my display of emotion. He falls silent.
"Did you give names to the others?" I ask quietly, still kind of memorizing the signs of sadness just in case I need to know them again.
The others. Are they different from me? Am I different from them? Am I alone?
"I'm sorry?" Walter asks again, still unable to hear my voice.
"It was nothing," I say, and sigh. I'm not sure I want to know the answer anyway.
He's making a strange face again, but this time it's directed at the computer screen.
"Is something the mat-" I try to ask him, but he shushes me and clicks on something.
I'm kind of confused now. "What seems to be th-" I'm interrupted again, but just with his hand as he points at me..
This isn't good, I'm now sure of it.
He keeps scanning for something, looking, clicking, shaking his head... And then he finds it. He scrolls up and down and then looks at me and back at the computer screen. I can't handle this. Just say it already.
"Hey kid," he said warily, " would you happen to know anyone by the name of 'Instinct'?"

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