Our Song

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I've found myself here before, but this time it won't consume me. I've been hurt and bruised in possibly the worse ways possible, but I'm not a victim. I'll always be a survivor, and I'm tired of acting the role of the victim.
My minds been swirling with these thoughts for awhile now. I push myself as hard as I can go physically, on the balance beam. My wireless earphones in my ears blast out the musical Anastasia as I flip and twirl trying to figure out what I want and who I am.
I know it's weird, listening to musicals as I push my body to its limits. I never understood why musicals call to me when I'm feeling broken, but they do. When James broke my heart I listened to Les Mis, when my parents passed I listened to Hamilton, and when Blake left me as a shell of a person I was consoled by Mama Mia. Maybe it's because I was listening to another story that distracted me from my own sad story.
But this time, it was a different hurt and maybe that's why I chose Anastasia. See she lost her memory and had no idea she was the lost princess. She spent the whole play trying to find herself. I think I'm just trying to figure out who I am too, and that's why I'm listening to Anya question her existence.
Trying to perfect my ending off the beam, I start at the very far end and I throw my body into a round off back hand spring and finish with a double tuck. But just like my life, it's a mess, my foot hits in the wrong spot on the beam. Throwing my momentum and balance off I fly through the air and land hard on my side, knocking the air out of my body. I curl into myself and groan trying to replace my air, god that fucking hurt. I haven't done that in a while, I think as I rip the earphones out of my ears and just lay there propped up on my knees slumber over with my head on the mat.
"Fuck! Dani are you ok? I haven't seen you Do that in years." I hear Nessa say from beside me as she rubs my back.
Unable to actually reply I just shake my head yes and grunt. I feel her slumb down beside me as I slowly regain my breath. I look over at her as she puts one of my head phones in her ear.
"Oh this is a new musical. It sounds familiar though. What's got you listening to your heart break music. All though I will say this one isn't as good as Hamilton." She knew me better then anyone could ever. Any other person would've just thought that listening to musicals was just that, listening to music. But Nessa knew I was heart broken when I listened to them, some times I wish she didn't know me so well, I wish I could get away with just being sad without anyone knowing.
"It's Anastasia. And nothing will ever be as good as Hamilton, Of course. And I don't know what you're talking about. I have nothing to be heartbroken about." I Say trying to though he off my scent. Play stupid it always works.
"No arguing about that. But I don't know, this is heartbreaking music and you have been spending a lot of time Carter." She says as she watches our team mate crystal work the uneven bars, sending me a side eye.
Fuck "Carter is just my lab partner for chem. We've been studying. That's it." Deny, deny, deny. I'm screwed.
I keep my gaze on crystal as she flings herself to the higher bar and misses by centimeters causing her body to belly flop on the mat with a thud. Nessa and I flinch as we hear her groan in pain, just like I did moments ago. We look at each other as we try to hold our laughs in.
Taking deep breaths to calm down, "fine I'll drop the Carter thing." She says, "only if you come out with Tommy and I tonight. We're going to some party with the baseball players."
I turn pale, "you know I haven't gone out to a party since Blake. I don't think I can handle it, all those people. I wouldn't be any fun." I say shaking my head.
"Come on Dani, it's our last year. Screw Blake he's had this hold on you for too long. All the guys will be there to protect you. It was there idea. I promise everything will be ok...plus I miss my best friend." She says with her big brown eyes looking like a puppy who wants the last treat.
I sigh giving in, "fine! But if I say I want to leave, we're leaving no explaining why, just leaving. Are we clear."
"Yes one hundred percent." She says shaking her head up and down with the biggest smile on her face, "let's go! I have a lot of work to do on you." She stands up grabbing my hand to pull me up off the ground. This was going to be a long night.