My Big Beastie

I

"Fuck it!" I grab the scissors of the counter. It's already orange. How much worse can it get?

I grabbed some of my hair on the side of my head and start to cut, sawing the blades of the dull craft scissors through the strands. I keep going and going. Randomly all over my head.

"AHHHH!" I yelled as I cut in the front.

I took in a deep breath, tears running down my blotchy face. I leaned forward agents the cold sink counter. I just stood there looking into the orange stained sink. Open dye bottles around me and my hair in the sink. I take in a deep breath, scared to look up. With tears still in my eyes, I start to clean up, still not looking in the mirror. As I throw away the boxes and bottles in the garbage I think about everything I've done this past week.

I smack my hand has hard as I can in the sink counter. I let out a frustrated scream. I finally look into the mirror. My vision gets worse as I pulled my hands over my mouth. I squatted down and placed my hands over my entire face as I cried. I looked like a fucking mess. My hair fucked. My face fucked. My life fucked.

I cried on my bathroom floor for a while. I've made so many decisions this week that I shouldn't of. I dyed my hair, I cut my hair, I got my nose pierced, I got two tattoos and I quit my job. What the fuck was I doing. Everything just hit me all at once and I wanted to have fun and do things differently, not ruin everything.

I got up off the floor and whipped the tears that I had left on my face. I decided to take a shower and make it snappy because I don't wanna fuck up my tattoos. I have them now. There is nothing I can do about it so I might as well not ruin them. It's not bad it's just not something I ever thought of getting.

I'm just glad the lady who did them was super nice. Imma be honest I'm pretty sure I was a little fucked too and for the first one, I told her to do whatever. Thank God she didn't give me a dick, a celebrities face or something.

​
The second one isn't bad either I just didn't know that I wanted something like that. It was a wolf. A little geometric but by no means was it bad.

They were on the inside of my upper left arm and my upper right thigh. They stung as I got out of the shower a bit. I cleaned them as the lady said. I went back the day after to ask the proper way to take care of it. I was in a brief state of rare together-ness. Now my high has burnt out and now I'm left to pick up the pieces. I've had times like this before but never for this long.

I would buy a lot of expensive random crap or break things but I've never done anything like this.

I look at myself in the mirror again. The main thing that makes me upset is my hair. The orange barely took to my hair and my haircutting skills, not that great. I ran my hands through the hair I have left.

I take a deep breath and walk out of my bathroom into my apartment living room. Before I go to get dressed I sit down on the couch. The room is freezing because of my ac. It causing my skin to erupt in goosebumps. I look around my apartment, it's awful. I've never made such a mess in my life. Food wrappers, clothes, and dishes everywhere. It's was just garbage everywhere.

I got up off the couch to my bedroom, it wasn't as bad. I few pares of clothes here and there and my bed not made. I go to my closet and pull out a pair of sweatpants and a normal t-shirt to sleep in. I throw all of the clothes into my hamper. I ignore my bed and head into my living room dragging my hamper. I take care of all the clothes and garbage. I groan as I bring my hamper to my washer and drier. I'll do it tomorrow. I grabbed the dishes out of my living room and put them in the sink also deciding to do them in the morning.

Once again I lay down on my couch pulling the soft peach blanket I had on top of me. I looked out into nothingness. My apartment was in a dull silence that made me want to scream again. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take being here. I thought that moving out here would be good for me. Meet new people, experience new things, but none of that happened and now here I am.

I decided that the best plan of action would be to call Taehyung. I hadn't talked to him in a while and I needed someone right now. He was my best friend, I could count on him.

I grabbed my cellphone off of my side table and called him. I let out a strained breath as it rang again and again.

"Yello?" It's as if my world had stopped. It was Tae. His same deep but light voice full is silliness.

"Tae?" I said in a whisper, it seeming as if I didn't know exactly who I had called.

"JIMIN!? Is that really you? I have need trying to reach you for the past 2 weeks. Where have you been?" He asked. His light tone deeper and his voice rose in concern.

"Ya know, around."

"Jimin, what the hell!? You don't talk to me for 2 weeks, me. Your best friend since the beginning of our last life and next!"

"It's all okay now, Tae," I whispered through the phone.

"It's not okay, Chim! You can't do stuff like that. Not to me." His voice had softened now.

"Things have just been~"

"Things have been what, Chim?" He asked with so much concern in his voice. I can't help as tears once again start to fall down my face.

"I-I just- I can't- I need~" I stuttered out not knowing how to explain myself. My brain had suddenly become a blank slate. A sad, empty, dark slate.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, Chim. Calm down, breath. Come on breath with me. In..... now out. Good again. There you go." Tae was trying so hard to make me feel better and that made it worse. I had been a terrible friend and he was being nothing less than his perfect self.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Taehyung. I'm such a terrible friend and I ignored you. I need help and I don't know what to do!" I all but screamed into the phone as a new wave of tears found their way onto my cheek.

"Hey, Jimin, Calm down okay. You're home right?"

I nodded my head but the responded with a yes when I realized that he couldn't see me. I felt silly once again.

"Okay, I'm gonna hang up okay? Try and lay down. I'll be on my way to your apartment. I should be there in 2 or 3 hours okay. Can you do that for me, Chim?" His tone was soft. I could hear the jingle of his car keys as I assumed he was maneuvering around his home.

"I can," at least I hope I could.

"Okay, I'll be there in a bit. See you soon Chim." I was very thankful that he had waited for me to hang up first.

I put my phone down on my side table and got up to turn all the lights in the apartment off before returning to the couch. It was dark except for the light of the city peeking through the window. I got back up and pulled my blackout curtain over it. I finally could try and lay down an find some peace form my complicated thoughts.

I woke up to the sound of knocking, no more like banging agents my front door. I turn on a small lamp on the side table and head to open the front door. The floor was freezing against my feet as I shuffled through the kitchen. I look through the peephole and with a click of the lock I open my front door. Taehyung was standing there. Is breath labored and his close slightly damp.

"Chim," he grabbed me by the arms and pulled me into one of his crushing but soothing hugs, the ones you can feel down to the bone.

I don't say anything as I just started to cry.