To Reach You (Revisions Ongoing)

ACT SIX: A Heart's Secret Plead

                  

Mark's :

                Lee have finally decided to come back after weeks of not coming home just to fix the broken pieces of our "on-the-rocks" relationship. The first few days are purely and absolute bliss, having some good ol' laughs and seeing both our familes together since Christmas and New Year is fastly approaching. We go places, shopped for gifts for our loved ones and for ourselves as well; and of course, my most favourite of all, cuddling and snuggling with him all day. Having Lee back in my life again has helped me so much on forgetting everything about Andie to the point that I even tried not to look at her cellphone and put it back at my bedside drawer instead just to make sure that I totally buried all the memories connecting to her.

                All I can say is I'm happy, totally and utterly happy that he's back. But despite of every beautiful thing we sgare together, there's a very unusual, weird thing that I've noticed about him...

                ...He's not the same Lee that I used to know.

I want to believe myself that I'm wrong but he acted and acting so different from before. Yes, he's sweet, caring – but loving? I hate to admit it but I can't feel his love. Even if he's with me, we're living together, we have good laughs and amazing bondings but the love... The love...

                ...it's not THERE anymore.

                He as well never discussed with me the plans on getting married next year. It's like every time I tackle it to him, he automatically and suddenly changes the topic and making me totally forget all about it.

                What's wrong, Lee? Tell me. Please tell me.

                A lot of things changed since he came back. He's not that sweet anymore. He doesn't want me to check his phone like I usually do. He won't allowed me as well to see the lads (Shane, Nicky and Kian) all of a sudden which is perfectly annoying coz me, together with the lads has still our commitments as Westlife despite of our upcoming spilt-up next year.

                I ask myself, "Don't tell me you feel jealous about them? I mean, for f***'s sake! They're my BROTHERS and not someone else!"

                And the worst of all, he's still goes out in the middle of the night. One time, I caught him tip-toeing all the way through our bedroom door and then he shuts the door quietly once he's finally out so I won't wake up.

                Lee's back – my "loving" (?) and caring Lee. But the pain that still lingers here in my heart because of his never-ending mischiefs and my doubts haunts me like a ghost. He's back – back in my life – but I'd rather him out of my life instead of seeing him here with me. Honestly, my life is more miserable when he's here rather than the past few weeks that he left.

                Damn it! Why are you doing this to me, Lee? Why are you still hurting me deep inside? Tell me if you don't love me. Tell me straight to my face that you don't love me anymore and I will accept the truth rather than the fact that you're here but you're like a hollow ghost wandering and fooling around me and my fragile heart. Oh God, this is really killing me; ripping and tearing me apart. I want to confront him, to make him admit everything but it's just...

                It's just...

                ...I feel so tired and so weak; so tired of fighting with him, so weak of understanding him and all his faults.