Breathing Blue

1] The Beginning Of The End...... Breathing Blue........

October 8 2018...

“ 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝?”

Somehow those damn words had become the story of my life, and if I'm being perfectly honest with you... Well I'm tired of hearing them; tired of them being the biggest part of who I am. Sure it wasn't like I couldn't have done something else. Couldn't have walked away, but something inside my heart was telling me not to. Maybe it was just my stubbornness coming out, and that in the end would be what put me in that wooden box twelve feet under the ground some day... But let's start from the beginning shall we. Actually the beginning of the end was 2017, not 2018. My Junior Year of prison– I mean highschool.

....2017....

I tapped the end of my pencil eraser against my desk begging the teacher not to call on me. It was the last few minutes of Math... Which if you think about it really stands for Mental Abuse To Humans, the thought made me snicker just a bit, and maybe that was what caught the attention of Mr. Bradley in the first place which was the exact opposite of what I really wanted to happen. Just my luck.

"Miss Hastings, would you care to explain to the class how to solve the equation?"

I could feel my face burn as he intentionally called me out, as if he knew I had some snarky smartass comment for him; which I did of course, but I'd never have the courage to say it out loud. Please just let me disappear. Let a worm hole from nowhere appear under my chair and swallow me whole. I could feel the eyes of the other students practically burning in my soul as all eyes were on me, and now I really just wanted to disappear. I absolutely detested attention. Why would he call on me? Did he not know that I couldn't explain this crazy quadratic equation to save my life?

I looked over to where Gigi sat, and gave her the usual pleading please save me eyes. Gigi, was the kind of friend who just jumped in and saved me when she felt pity for the fact that I couldn't find the words on my own, and she was usually pretty good about jumping in when I felt the lump of fear in my throat ceasing the words from forming all because of the fact that I had been put in the hot seat. Although this time before Gigi, could really save me; this time around it was the bell signaling the end of the period that was my saving grace, and it was enough to take everyones attention away from me once more because it was more important to get home then to stare at a panicking nobody. As I heard the scratching of chairs sliding across the floor I felt relief wash through my body. Letting all my tense muscles relax I let out a breath of air as I slumped back into my chair.

Giving myself a second to catch my breath, because I think in that split second of fear when it dawned on me that Mr. Bradley, was calling me out in front of the whole class it was like I couldn't even remember the simple basics of how to circulate air through my lungs. As quickly as I could I shoved my things in my bag and slipped out of my seat just wanting to escape this freaking room, and met at the door with Gigi. But of course my hope for escape would be short lived because that was just my luck.

'Ellie, may I have a word please?'

When I looked back there was Mr. Bradley sat at his desk eyes trained right on me and in that moment there it was again, that lump of fear in my throat that made it hard to breath. I looked back at Gigi, who just gave me a look of pity once again and gave a wave of her hand as she headed out the door of the classroom and towards the cafeteria where all the other kids unlucky enough to be second load waited on the bus. Letting out a small sigh I grabbed a hold of my backpack strap to give me something to fiddle with as I made my way over to my math teacher.