Dissension

Chapter Four

Evan and Jamie had a different class to me next period, and we parted ways outside the classroom on the agreement we would meet for lunch in an hour. Zeke had to part with Zach and Tommy – who apparently had something called Programming and Design, whilst my brother and I made our way carefully through the maze of corridors, back over to the first building and up to the third floor for Architectural studies. Buildings had never interested me very much, but the city had to have architects and so I trudged my way up to the designated classroom.

Zeke kept up a relentless one-sided conversation the entire way, and I knew it was because I was being so quiet, and that he had never liked silence very much. I zoned out, deep in thought about the Aptitudes test and whether I'd already gone and put myself on the 'black sheep' list. I made the appropriate noises when he took a pause to breathe, just about able to laugh in the right place as Zeke told anecdotes he already had about his roommates, but whilst Zeke had never been the sharpest tool in the box, he wasn't a fool either. "...and kangaroos came bounding down the hallway singing the Macarena and started mixing us cocktails..." I kept nodding.

"Erin?" His voice calling my name finally pulled me out of my revere and I blinked, glancing up as I realised I'd been following Zeke blindly around the campus and he'd led me out the way of everyone else without my notice. He was frowning at me, worry clear on his face and I knew I was about to be the victim of a lecture. "Did you hear anything I just said?" He asked, his raised eyebrows clearly expected me to say 'yes' in defiance, though we both knew that would be a downright lie. I sighed and gave in; I couldn't lie to Zeke.

"No." I admitted, feeling guilty for it.

"I didn't think so." He grinned easily, and I knew he held nothing against me for not paying attention.

"Sorry, I just..." I sighed loudly and ran a hand through my dark auburn hair. "I have a lot on my mind."

"You always do, sis." His smile was suddenly almost sad, as though he knew something about me that I didn't. Something curled uncomfortably in my stomach and I glanced down briefly. "You need to get out of your head a little."

"I can't!" It came out louder than I'd meant too and I quickly lowered my voice so anybody walking by wouldn't feel the need to eavesdrop. "I can't just be one of those people who walks around with their head in the clouds. This isn't a game, Zeke." I hadn't meant to get angry about it, but I found myself almost accusing him. It was so easy for him to laugh about the bad things, the scary things, to just keep on strolling through life as though everything was going to be fine. The World didn't always work that way. He frowned and folded his arms, a sign of stubbornness I recognised in him.

"You think I don't know that?!" Now Zeke's voice had risen and I flinched slightly. I hated arguing with him; despised it actually. We'd always been quite close as siblings, and he was the person I trusted most. "You don't think I know that these are the most important years of our life?" His voice had lowered again and it was his turn to sigh. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking at him imploringly, knowing the guilt was written all over my face. "I just wish you'd breathe a little sometimes, Erin. These are the last chances we have to be young. When we get out of here, we'll have a job and we'll be paired to our future husband and wife...and that's it. The rest of our life is made, our childhood is over. I worry that sometimes...you'll miss out on it entirely." He near whispered the last part, looking away from me and I swallowed, not having realised that Zeke thought about things like this, and not realising either how right he was.

"I'm sorry..." I said. I could have agreed, could have told him I knew he was right, but all I could manage were those two feeble words. I knew he understood though, he was my brother and he knew me better than anyone. The right side of his mouth curled upward slightly. He poked my cheek gently, and grinned, something he used to do years ago when we were just kids and he wanted me to smile. I rolled my eyes, knowing all was forgiven. I straightened up a little and gave my best attempt at a smile, refusing to let my thoughts drag me back into their pit. "Come on, or we'll be late." I chided lightly, and Zeke nodded and quickly back-tracked, leading us toward our classroom. We were quiet the rest of the way, and somehow it made me feel worse than his idle chatter from before.