weird things that happen to me

it's been like a week gwen wtf

so i'm very sorry. I'm stressed with a lot of stuff and like i need to spoil more of red queen for you. 

broken throne has been out for awhile now, and i'm here to spoil some of it for you cuz i only bought it to read like three chapters.

SO BASICALLY, the whole book is three mini novels, a journal entry diary timeline type thing, and  farewell.

we finna take about farewell because that's what i bought the book to read for.

now i bought the kindle version, not the book. if i bought the book though, the pages would be soaked with my tears and it would have rips in the pages from me throwing it against the fucking wall.

there are 3 chapters, that's the whole thing

the best one is the first cuz it's in maven's pov which i lobe

wait didn't he die-

i love that maven lived passed war storm shut it karen

this was before mare and maven faced off, maven was a prisoner and cal secretly visited him. and that's what this chapter is. i love it so much.

so remember how i told yall that maven's mom like took away like his love for people, his fears, and his nightmares (he couldn't dream) and cal wanted to find someone to fix him? well nobody like his mother existed and cal wanted to see if like he could be fixed through words I guess.

and he wanted to talk to him to make sure there was no chance or a chance that he could be fixed.

if i could write the whole chapter i would, but it would take so longggg. so i'll spare you some of it and write the parts that really got me cryin man.

this is mavens pov btwwww 

i drop my gaze, forcing a detached smirk to my lips.

"I would do it again, cal," i tell him, lying with such grace. it feels easy, after so many years behind a mask. "if given the chance to go back, i would let her (his mother) change me. i would watch you kill him (their father). i'd send you to the arena. and i'd get it right. i'd give you what you deserve i'd kill you now if i could. i'd do it a thousand times."

my brother is simple, easy to manipulate. he sees only what lies in front of him, only what he can understand. the lie does it's job well. his eyes harden, that undying ember in him almost extinguishing entirely. one hand twitches, wanting to form a fist. but the silent stone affects him too, and even if he had the strength make me burn, he could not. 

"good-bye, maven," cal says, his voice broken. he isn't really speaking to me.

the farewell is for another boy, lost years ago, before he became what i am now. cal lets go of him, the maven i was. the maven i still am, somewhere inside, unable or unwilling to step into the light.

this will be the last time we speak to each other alone. i can feel that in my marrow. if i see him again, it will be before the throne, or beneath the cold steel of the executioners blade.

"i look forward to the sentencing," i drawl in reply, watching him flee the room. the door slams behind him, shaking paintings in their frames.

despite all our differences, we have this in common. we use our pain to destroy.

"good-bye, cal," i say to no one.

weakness, my mother whispers.

and boom that's it. give me a minute guys this hit me hard.

then cal went to go see mavens grave, which is next to his mother. maven still loves his mom even tho all the stuff she did to him and i think that's sweet <3333 he wanted to be buried next to her and cal allowed that. 

but anyway, cal wrote this on maven's grave ;(

MAVEN CALORE

beloved son, beloved brother.

let no one follow.

give me another minute guys.

like i can't with this series. i lobe it too much but I AM SO MAD MAVEN COULD CHANGE HE CAN I SWEAR HE CAN :(((

anyway i'm sorry i need to stop ranting about this book and get back to the premise of this thing. i promise i will i'm sorryyyyyyy

anyway byes xoxo i will try to upload in less than a week idk