Promises

Chapter Nine, Heartbreak and happiness.

My emotions overwhelmed me, I didn't know what I should've felt in that moment. should I have been happy that he trust me enough to tell me something like this? Or should I have been sad because he is the keeper of my heart, he doesn't know it but he's the only one in the world that can shatter my heart into a million pieces. Was it in my imagination? Was I asleep? No. I was just stupid. Stupid to ever think that he could love me. Just like every guy he chose my best friend over me. You know what? I don't even care about any other guy! He is the only guy that I've ever liked! 10 years. 10 years of my life wasted. All of the hoping, the waiting, the awkwardness between us until this year, the wishing on every star, and recently, what I THOUGHT was flirting, all for what? Him to follow in the path of every single person on this planet and ignore the lonely fat girl, "she'll make a good friend" is the only good thing any guy has ever said about me. Not "she's pretty" or " I really like Toni". Nobody wants to date a fat girl. It's just how it is in life. Apparently love doesn't matter to anyone anymore, just what society says is pretty.... no one can love me.... all I wanted was love from him... I don't care about anyone else... all I wanted was him.

"Toni are you okay?" Noah interrupts my thoughts.
"Umm... you like Charlotte?" I say trying to hide my pain.
"Yeah, I wanted to tell you because we've gotten to be really good friends and I know I can trust you." Noah says grabbing my hand.

I can no longer hide my emotions, I was angry, I was devastated, I was being tortured trying to listen to him tell me about how much he loves my best friend. Was this the only reason why he wanted to be friends with us? Ugh, I'm furious! He held my heart and he basically smiled while he took a hammer and shattered it into a million pieces. Everyone else choosing her I can handle, but not this. I was in disbelief, I even started laughing to try and hide my emotions.... it didn't work for long..

"Why are you laughing at me?" Noah says in a soft voice grabbing my other hand.
"I'm sorry.... it's just funny how stupid I am."
"Stupid? You're not stupid." Noah says
"Let go of me!" I say pulling my hands away from his grasp.
"I'm sorry!" Noah says, he looks like I hurt his feelings, I don't care in this moment because of how many times he has hurt me.
"And yes Noah, stupid! I was stupid to think that you could ever love a girl like me! I've spent TEN YEARS loving you, and you choose her! Just like every guy! But you're not every guy. You're you and that's what makes this hurt me so much more." I say starting to cry, then I realize what I had just said.

Before he could say anything I ran into Charlottes bedroom and locked the door just long enough to get my stuff and get out of there before Noah could get in... but I needed someone right now, normally Isaiah is the one who can be there for me when Charlotte becomes distant because of a new "boy toy".... that's when I remembered.... Ari..... I feel like I can trust her... even though we just met... I feel as if we've been friends for years.

"Toni what's wrong?" Charlotte ask
"Nothing!" I say wiping a tear from my face while I grab my stuff.
"I can tell that something is wrong!" Charlotte says getting up and walking over to me.
"I'm fine Charlotte, really, I'm doing amazing!" I say sarcastically
"Hey, Ari?" I say unlocking the door making sure that Noah walks in.
"What's up are you okay?" Ari says
"Do you want to come over to my house? I think that we need to leave Noah and Charlotte alone for a bit." I say looking at the ground because I know that if I look at Noah or Charlotte then I will start crying.
"Yeah! I'm good with that!" Ari says grabbing her stuff.
"Toni can I please just have a minute to talk with you outside?" Noah says
"Nope." I say grabbing Ari by the arm and walking down the stairs.

I can feel me start breaking down, my emotions  were too much. As soon as we got out of Charlottes house I sat down on the stairs of her front porch and cried. As I thought, Ari didn't question me or judge me, she just sat down next to me and put her arm around me in a hug. We sat there until I heard her front door open.... it was Noah, at this point I didn't care what he had to say, I just wanted to be away from it all. I didn't even turn around. I just got up and walked away. Ari said something to Noah, I didn't hear what she said, I didn't want to hear what she said. She caught up with me. We walked in silence all the way to my house. We sat on the roof, which is where I sat every time I cried, so my mom and my siblings would not hear me.

I told Ari everything, from the point where I started liking him, to what just happened. We were up there for hours, she didn't complain, she just listened and comforted me, she made me laugh so I would stop crying. She's a really good friend, it's easy to talk to her, even though Charlotte is my best friend, I can't talk to her about some things because she wouldn't understand.
Ari ended up staying the night at my house, we talked and laughed, she told me more about herself and her past. We painted each other's nails, did face masks, watched movies, gave each other blind make overs, we were just being kids that night, we had no reason to cry, we had no reason to get up early in the morning because we had no rehearsal for the rest of the week. I was having so much fun I even forgot about Noah for a second.

Ari made me promise something at the beginning of the night.
"Turn off your phone."
"Why?" I said laughing
"We can already see that Noah and Charlotte are blowing up your phone, I don't want you to feel down anymore tonight, we can worry about that tomorrow. Promise me that you won't turn it on until morning?"
"I promise."

I didn't even want to turn it on the next morning, but I had to face my problems and deal with them. But for that night, problems didn't exist.

The next day we woke up at 1pm, it felt good to wake up that late and not worry about anything. Until 2pm hit. That's when I turned my phone on.

"You can do this Toni, you're strong, you're a beautiful goddess, you're a warrior! You got this! And if you don't that's okay too, I'm right here for you!" Ari says.
"Thank you" I say laughing a little.

I turned on my phone. 28 missed calls, 34 messages, 15 dm's on Instagram and 4 missed FaceTimes. All from them.

I opened all the messages, all of Charlottes was the same message, "Call me please."

Noah's messages switched between "what did I do?" Or "Whatever it is I'm Sorry!" Or "Please talk to me Toni! I need to tell you something!".... I don't want to talk to him... or her.... I left them both on read, and put my phone down.

"See you totally rocked that! I'm proud of you!" Ari says giving me a friendly side hug.

"Thank you, for everything. For being here for me and for making me feel important."

"Aww you're welcome, and thank you for inviting me over!! I had so much fun!"

"Of course!" I say.

Ari had to go home after that, she sent me the funniest memes to keep me laughing... I can tell that she's a good person.

When it got late I started reading Harry Potter... and fell asleep, not knowing that I was about to have one of the most reassuring days of my life.