Alleyway BxB

XII (Acquainted)

WEDNESDAY, 3 OCTOBER
NATHAN COVINGTON

Slowly, the rest of the house entered the room. They didn't say anything, just sat down on the couches.

But my dignity fell a level lower.

The police had left a couple hours prior, but our Aunt was only just about to leave. I watched as Marcella waved her off, signed a silent promise to take care of us after an entire hour of persuasion.

"See, I told you she could do it." Marcello murmured comfortingly, brushed through my hair with gentle fingers.

Zach and Dallon were the last ones to enter and, once again, my heart dropped and so did my head. Everyone in this house wanted a peaceful night; it was their first full day living together and I had come in so unexpectedly. Not only that, I had unknowingly dragged the police and an ambulance with me too. Yet, they were still eager to let me stay.

I don't understand anyone in this house.

A hand rested against my upper back. Marcello sat with me the entire time as I explained our story and what happened to the police. I had so much emotional baggage, he probably didn't have time to deal with me.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It doesn't matter." I fiddled around with my fingers, my chain too. I took it off earlier just to play with the ring. "I don't have any one in my immediate family left besides Matt and look what I did to him."

Marcello should understand. He didn't have his parents either; his original ones at least. And I must have struck a chord because he pulled me in, threw the blanket over us again. "You didn't do anything."

"Exactly!" Fucking relax, dickhead. "I didn't do anything..."

"At least you still have Matt. Don't think you let him down. I'm sure he appreciates you just for reaching out, to Zach."

"I shouldn't have." All I did was disturb them. "You guys were having a good night. I kept this a secret to stop bothering people, but it back-fired on me. Look at what just happened."

There was no way they didn't hate me. They moved into the house to live with the people they loved to be with. I was the farthest thing from that. A few seconds passed and my assumption only proved true. There was no response, not a rebuttal.

"You hate me. You all hate me. Just admit it. Please." I could feel my chest caving in. "I don't get it. Why are you all so nice to me?" Marcello was still on me, but I wanted him off. "Why are you still touching me?" I tried to shake him off, but he only held me harder. "Stop trying to get my hopes up. I fucking hate it."

What is wrong with these guys? Don't they remember what I've done?

Who I really am?

"Why can't you ever just accept help? You made it this far. Don't fuck it up." Dallon spoke up, surprisingly. "It's hard to actually hate a guy I used to be really close friends with." It was a sigh, a confession he didn't seem to want to come to terms with. "Even if I think you're an asshole and as much as I want to kick you in the head-"

"Dall," Zach hissed.

I couldn't blame his digression. I felt the same way sometimes — about myself.

"Sorry. I'm worried about you too, okay? It's hard to say it, but I do and so does everyone else. So, let us help you." It came out in a single breath. It sounded genuine yet still laced by the frustrated aggression I grew so accustomed to in the past year.

Wow, never took Dallon as the type to lie.

"We didn't tell him to say that, we're just trying to help." It was Isaiah that time. "We're not forcing anything out of you, but... it'd be good to know what we're dealing with."

"I- It's not worth the time-"

"We do have all night." Isaac offered the kindest smile he could. "If it'll make you feel better?"

"I haven't even... barely even told Ryder." But what did I have to lose? I looked around and Matthew wasn't in the room. It was a good thing. I figured it'd make it easier for me to tell them anything. "Like, everything? Why am I here? Why did I call you guys? Why am I so fucked in the head?"

"Nathan, what happened tonight?"

"What happened tonight?" I looked at Marcello, a snicker that I could only describe as wicked slipped out of me. "Fuck, I hate him." I tugged the hem of my shirt up and aggressively wiped my eyes. "I pretend to be so perfect all the time. Our father's an alcoholic by the way, for anyone who didn't know. No one knew, well Zach knew, Dallon too, I guess. He... had a bit too much to drink tonight, like every night, and Matt just happened to get home before I did.

"I'm not even sure what happened. Well, that's bullshit. I walked into Matt laying dead on the floor, the fucker stood over him with one of his fucking giant art books in his hands. Of course I knew what happened, what else could have happened? I wasn't even the one to knock him out. I just fell over like a bitch and nearly got stomped to death by my own father.

"Matt knocked him out. He did. With an empty wine bottle. Good shit. It's like he doesn't even need me anymore. I'd normally run off to Ry's place... but he's out with the boys at one of Damon's parties and I didn't want to join them — well I couldn't join them. Matt wanted me home, so I came home. And if I called Ryder in this state, fuck, he'd probably finish me off himself... He'd find out that I've been lying to him about not having any siblings, and he'd beat my ass for going back home when I promised him I wouldn't. I always felt like he worried about me too much. Maybe he's right about more things than I thought..."

I paused, I remembered. I was still in a room with them — still in the living room with the Lockhearts, with Isaiah, Isaac, Zach, everyone... I wasn't just rambling pointlessly to myself and they weren't all fast asleep. They were still here, looking at me, paying attention to me, listening.

They were listening.

Marcella looked sad. I hated it when people were sad because of me.

"He- He always targeted Matt, always just beat... I never understood why. Matt's so sweet, a good kid. He's such a good person. I'm not a good person. I should've taken the brunt of it but I just got smacked whenever we argued... Matt didn't even have to do anything. He just breathes, just exists and that's it. That's enough of a reason apparently... Just breathes. Just exists. And he deserved hell for that?"

Breathed. Existed.

I looked up, Zach in my direct line of sight. The first person to see, and it was easy to see Matthew in him. I always saw Zach whenever I looked at Matthew.

But that was it.

"Same with Zach. You know? You remember?" I ripped my eyes away from him, couldn't even look at him when he started to tear up with me. "You just have to breathe. You just have to exist. I just have to see you. That's it. That's all it took. What happened in the alleyway, Zach. The alleyway, behind school. It's all it took." I smiled again, one that didn't quite fit. It had jagged edges, stung my lips. The same wicked laugh. "Maybe I do get it. You breathe, you exist. I just saw you and I decided that was enough. It was enough to nearly cave your fucking head in. God, I am him. I'm just turning into him."

"Nate, don't-" Zach started.

"I'm insane. I've gone insane."

"Nate-"

"You remind me of everything I love. Is that why? Does he just see her in Matt? Is that why he does it?" I just stared at him, eyes glued to his and his tears burned mine just to see. "You remind me of when I wasn't miserable. I hate where I am, Zach... hate my life. I just get so mad to the point I can't even think...

"I'm him. When did I turn into him?"