Kellin
A few days dragged on. Nothing even fazed me. I wasn't happy, but I was too numb to be sad on top of it.
Nothing seemed real. That sounds over dramatic, but in my eyes everything wasn't connecting like it always had. The plug had been pulled from the outlet in my head. I felt light headed. My life was a huge blur.
Matty noticed a change in my attitude, as did everyone at work and Oli. I was never capable of giving them a clear answer though. Words never could explain how I felt.
Part of me was saying I should've agreed to wait, and another part says it was for the best to split up. Because who knows how long it'll be until he gets enough money to move. And what about everything that's happening by then?
Maybe he'll want to move somewhere new, but I won't. Maybe he'll meet someone and fall in love with them. The same could happen for me as well.
No, I didn't turn down Vic because I felt as if he betrayed me. In a way, he did. I trusted him with everything, but then he felt as if choosing a business over me was no big deal. I understood his theory, I really did, but I can't go along with that.
Pretending that everything's alright isn't okay. It'll just eat you up until you spill, and then take a turn for the worse. I don't want to feel anything worse than this, ever.
I went home after I finished work in utter silence. Sydney never did really ask me anything, as she caught the drift that I wasn't going to really talk. When I got home, Matty sat on the couch. Nothing was occupying him it seemed. I quirked my eyebrows in confusion.
"Sit down." He ordered, startling me with the amount of intensity in his words. I sat. "Tell me what's wrong." He begged, softer now. I shook my head, willing myself to leave. But he latched onto my arm. "Please." I sighed, letting out a little more vocals before speaking.
"Never did I dream you'd be the first person I'd be telling this to." I shook my head. "My boyfriend- er... was boyfriend, we broke up because of his dad. He told Vic it was me or the business. He picked the business and said he would work to get money, and then come back for me..."
"And what's wrong with that?" Matty interrupted.
"Shh, let me finish." He held his hands up in defense. "I know he makes good pay, but this process isn't going to be over night. I can't wait for him forever. He'll move on, we'll grown apart. It's just the nature of humans."
"True..."Matty mumbled. I was surprised at how civil he was acting. "I'm sorry Kellin, I wish I could fix this."
"It's alright, I'm not even that sad... Just numb."
"Don't get yourself down. There's plenty of fish in the sea." Matty winked, nudging me. It reminded me of all the times Vic and I would bump into each other "Accidentally" just to look at each other.
Tears formed in my eyes. Finally, an emotion.
"I'm g-g-onna go." I whimpered, pushing past the table into the bathroom, flicking the lock hastily. I faced myself in the mirror.
I looked tired and unhappy, and that's all I really was to be honest. I wiped at the tears I could no longer contain. My eyes felt heavy from the tears falling from them with ease. Couldn't there have been a better way for us to let go? No, there's never an easy way. The pain's always equal.
I wiped at my eyes before walking back out. Matty still sat on the couch, so I spun around and headed off towards the door hallway. I stopped before walking out of the apartment. Walking was the last thing I wanted to do.
So I steered off and ended up in a closet. It was vacant, so I wasn't crammed in between clothes. It smelled musky, but I didn't care that much. Tears still glistened from eyes no matter how hard I tried to push them aside.
I pulled out my phone and opened my contact list, scrolling through my recent messages. Vic was close to the bottom. I clicked on it, rereading some of our messages. I wish those cute things he once sent wasn't a memory anymore.
"Kellin?" Matty's voice obliterated my thoughts. I kept quiet, except for the sound of my phone clicking. That must've been enough, because a second later the door swung open. "W-What are you-"
"I'm fine." I said, wiping at my eyes quickly. Matty grabbed my hands and pulled me up.
"No your not, you look sick." He wrapped an arm around me and helped me to the couch which extended into a bed.
"I really am okay Matty." He still objected and helped me over to the bed. I sat down, grabbing the covers.
"Sleep good, you'll be okay." Matty said, seeming to be generally concerned. There was a small romantic side of Matty, but rarely did it show.
It was always hidden under his flirtation and lack of intelligent words. Not to mention alcohol and occasional drug abuses. It wasn't rare for me to bust into his locker and find drugs hidden under his binders.
High school with him was crystal clear. I remembered all of our little flings.
There was even time he couldn't put off and we ended up having sex during detention. I was nervous, but in the end it was fun while it lasted. Nobody was busted, fortunately. Not that it mattered, it was amazing spending my useless days in the principles office and my evenings in detention. Then I got to go home with Matty most nights.
I couldn't describe my teenage years any better.
Drugs, sex, detention, scolding, rule breaking, more sex, alcohol, sneaking out, principle visits, more drugs, cheating, drama.
Typical high school routine, right?
Maybe I could get back into that whole routine again.
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