Midnight Thoughts || EDITING

for sulli,

i cant believe that i would have to write another letter like this again. news about sulli committing suicide has now circulated and most of you are probably aware by now.

i know i'm not obligated to write this. but i felt the need to release my feelings the way i know best, through words.

im still kind of speechless from the following the news. i didn't believe that it could be true when i got home and saw the articles saying that sulli committed suicide.

this spoke volumes to me and crushed me into a thousand pieces.

i didn't want to believe it. because how could she? the sweet sulli we all knew? i mean i knew she had haters. but i didn't know that it has actually affected her to the extent where she just didn't want to continue living anymore.

as a fan of f(x), i knew she had been dealing with problems about her mental health. but i thought she was getting better, as she was active on her social media, her acting and her music. she was smiling more too.

but i forgot that a person could fake a smile. just her trying to hide her pain from the world.

i don't have enough words to say how much of a wonderful person she is. she has been an inspiration to us, fans. and this news has caused a devastating effect on us.

she had stated multiple times how she was trying, and how much she struggled to be okay.

but the haters, oh the haters wouldn't stop. they continued to bully her and say mean things to her and now look, look what happened.

she tried, she tried but she failed.

i understand why she did what she did but it doesn't hurt any less. it hurts that she's gone now. that she left us so suddenly like that.

but i hope that she's now happy and free. that wherever she is, she's okay. that she's not sad. and i hope she knows that despite the hate, despite it all, a lot of people loved her. she deserved all the kindness in the world, and its sad that we watched her go.

-

to everyone, who's suffering from depression, and facing suicidal thoughts. please know that you're not alone. you might feel that way but no, people care about you more than you think. it helps if you talk to someone you trust and open up your feelings. its going to be hard, but its gonna help you. and if anybody wants to talk to me, my inbox is always open. i'll listen to you and i won't judge you, i promise. please take care of yourself.

-

i won't be ranting here about how much i despised the antis and the lack of care sulli's company showed when they knew sulli was suffering. i just wish that this wouldn't happen to anyone again and that they would be able to fight off their demons and revert to being happy again.

-

to sulli's family, friends and the fans. we are now all in the state of grief. i hope that we'll be strong and accept this news. its heartbreaking yes, but death is not always happy. please seek comfort and talk to someone as you grieve.

rest well, sulli. we love you.