When I hold you in my hands I speak to myself these feelings I cannot stand I'm losing myself because you're everything I want in a man and i've opened myself :
You're everything I want in a man ..
so I cut my own heart out
And I threw it into the quicksand .
I ran in circles
away from you
my head a whirl pool
so I ripped up my brain and held it in the ocean .
Because I'm scared
and now I'm sinking
but at least my hearts no longer beating and i'm no longer thinking .
But ..still
when i look at you my eyes water from the beauty ..
So i took a knife and gagged them out
And now they're buried .
Although it hurt at least i'm no longer looking .
But i'm worried .
Because you're everything i want in a man
and these feelings i can not stand .
So i cut my own heart out
before you could
forced my love to sink down,
I held my thoughts ripped them apart
before you had the chance
I made them drowned,
i gashed my eyes out
So i couldn't see
I made myself blind so that love didnt blind me.
But then i could feel you ,
smell you,
hear you
so I jumped in a fire
and burned
I decomposed my flesh
and i left .
Brittany Anthonae
