Marvel One Shots

(Winterfalcon) (A) Maybe That's Why

Just a warning, this gets really dark and graphic as it continues. If at any point alcohol, drugs, or gore disturb you, please skip this chapter. You know your limits, please listen to them, and stay safe. If you need to talk to someone about anything, my pms are always open.

It had been a few weeks since Sam had gone on a date with Bucky. Normally, he wouldn't have minded since missions constantly get in their way or mental breakdowns, but none of that happened this time. No, this time every day Bucky was spending all his time with Steve. The two of them worked out together, ate together, and caught up on the 21st century together. Sam isn't the type to get jealous very often, and he knows Bucky and Steve have a ton to catch up on in the ages they've been away, but he feels like he should be with them at least a bit. After all, one is his boyfriend of a year and the other is his close friend of two years.

Another week or so passes, and nothing about the situation has changed. Steve and Bucky don't acknowledge him too much, and Sam spends a lot of time wishing he was there. But he decides that's too clingy, maybe that's why they don't want to be with him. He tries too hard and gets all their attention. Maybe they just want to be alone and to be able to focus on eachother. Yeah, that has to be it. It can't be they don't like him anymore or he's too boring and weak. He can fix the clinginess, unlike the other options, so he starts focusing on that.

He stops texting them twenty times a day or 'accidentally' running into them and striking up a conversation. That'll show them he isn't too clingy, right? And he stops requesting to be put on their team whenever they go to train, instead being on the other side and getting his ass kicked. See, he's not too clingy. He can function fine without being around them 24/7. At least he can with the help of some Jack Daniels.

But that doesn't change anything, Bucky and Steve ignore him even more and barely talk to them. It's been around three months since him and Bucky went out on a date, or even really talked to eachother. But Sam's fine, he's definitely fine. No one notices when Jäger joins Jack in the late hours of the night when Sam questions why he's been left in the dust.

The next morning Sam has a terrible hangover, but he's been having them ever since he realized Bucky and Steve don't need him anymore. No one notices how much trouble he has in keeping up his happy facade or his physical health. They always assume he's alright since he's always joking around and smiling, but that just hides the mess inside. Maybe that's why Bucky and Steve don't like him anymore, they realized how fucked up he is.

On top of the drinking himself to sleep, the nightmares have come back. PTSD returning full force and making him flinch violently and send him down a spiral of panic whenever any loud noise is around or he smells smoke or blood. It's terrible since he's around The Avengers all the time and loud noises are part of everyday life. Usually he would go to Bucky if it started acting up, his boyfriend would know exactly what to do in order to make him feel better, but this time Bucky isn't around. He's with Steve and too busy for Sam. Not to mention Sam isn't sure if Bucky would even have his phone on so he really has no way of contacting him.

He starts getting drunk during the day, Jäger and Jack start filling the empty space left by Steve and Bucky. They're terrible replacements but at least this way Sam can function and pretend the warm feeling inside is from people actually caring about him and not large amounts of alcohol. Maybe that's why they don't like him, they realize he's turning into an alcoholic.

At least some people are noticing how much he's slipping now, Natasha and Clint keep giving him these side glances, knowing something's off. Maybe someone is finally listening to his cries for help and for someone to notice him. And care. Alas, they only shout at him for getting drunk on the job and tell him to get himself together. Can't they see he's trying? But it's hard to care when the drinks are the only things keeping him happy and able to sleep at night.