Flushed (Troyler AU)

Chapter 15

3 days later

Tyler’s POV

My days passed by as per usual; wake up bright and early, brew a cup of coffee and head to my morning classes. It was a never-ending routine that I did not mind. I liked its repetitiveness, there was something almost calming about it. Perhaps, it was the fact that everything was predecided, your body almost carried itself to the next destination, your mind five seconds ahead of you when reaching for a coffee mug, still half unconscious from sleep. Life seemed to be in order, following a definite path like leaves floating with the downward stream of a river, having the freedom to sway from one side to the other, yet still moving with the current.

Despite the habitual cycle, there was always one idiot that decided to throw a rock into the water, causing a disruption as it plummeted into the deep river. The ripples on the surface oscillated the leaves, shaking them and disturbing their peaceful path. Eventually, they found their way back, flowing to wherever the river went.

In my case, Troye was the rock and I was the river, he had disrupted my flow from day one. He shook my world up, but I let him, even volunteered for it to be so. Was Zoe the dumb idiot, then? I wasn’t sure.

As I sat on the cold, metal bench and inhaled the crisp November air of Michigan, I allowed my mind to wander while I focused on the beauty of my surroundings. The trees were bare, the orange and red leaves scattered on the ground below them, some fallen onto the concrete next to my feet and others encircling the trunk. I didn’t want to think about Troye and forced myself to intently stare at the heavens above. The sky was clear, void of any clouds; a rarity to see these days. Once in a while a bird flew across, flapping its wings desperately, as if afraid to drop down to earth. I envisioned myself as the tiny bird and Troye as the gravity that constantly pushed and pulled me down. I wished to stay in my haze, the sky, but the thoughts of him yanked me back into reality.

It was impossible to describe the emotions I felt, it was a mix of many compressed into one. Betrayal, hurt and even a slight tinge of regret.

I cursed myself periodically as the fluttery feelings in my chest arose each time he crossed my mind. I needed to remind myself of the shitty person he really was. I didn’t matter to him. He could have anyone he desired with one point of his finger. He was right when he said there were generous offers. Of course, there were, he was Troye Sivan. I, well I, was nobody. Just an average guy trying to live an average life, while chasing unattainable dreams. The question was: Troye, was he an unattainable dream? I mean, I had him, but we were doomed from the start. There were so many inevitable things already working against us and he only added to the list.

Did I love Troye?

The answer was, No.

I wasn’t sure we would get that far into the future anyways.

I was well aware that we would never have a normal relationship, it was out the question. I could dream though. Ever since he stepped foot onto the plane that flew him miles away from me, I had been questioning us. During the first two months of our relationship we wasted away our days together, simply enjoying each other’s presence without a care in the world. The thought of what we would become once apart barely crossed my mind, in fact, it made no appearance at all. Troye and I were too caught up in the moment and though it was the best feeling, I regretted it now. If only I had been more careful, built a taller wall around my heart. I was obliviously star-struck, my cheeks constantly flushed a deep shade of red at every word he spoke.

My feelings towards him were inevitable, he was perfect-or perhaps pretended to be. Troye used me senselessly. It seemed as if he planned all the scenarios-bring Tyler flowers one day, break his heart the next.