Flushed (Troyler AU)

Chapter 20

Troye’s POV

Tyler sat on the plush sofa across from me, playing with his phone. He was mindless of my intense stare, my eyes searching for any indication of why he had been so distant all day today. At first, he refused to shower with me and I brushed it off, not taking his rejection to heart. When I went in for a kiss, his lips deliberately stayed unmoving and his arms hung limply by his sides. He avoided my gaze, eyes glimpsing at everything around the room rather than me. I had realized the reason behind his odd behaviour early on in the morning, but as I tried to explain myself, his only response was a shake of the head and a heavy sigh.

Usually if we were seated together, Tyler would curl up under my arm and nuzzle his head into the crook of my neck. Though now, the distance parting us seemed endless. Even the ocean that once separated us left the vast waters as a disregarded obstacle in our relationship. Although we were a mere few steps away from each other, the gap between us stretched for miles. Emotionally, Tyler and I were on different planets.

After countless attempts, my mind begun persuading me to leave him alone. Perhaps he needed time to reflect, but it wondered: what if he changed his mind about us? My heart, on the other hand, ached, thumping against my chest in a slow, unsteady rhythm. It didn’t feel right if we both wallowed in the pain, caused by me. Always by me. God, why did I have to keep fucking up?

Communication was extremely important in a long distance relationship, from what others told me. Yet, I still had trouble with a simple relationship, having never dealt with the ups and downs of one. It was foreign to me, absolutely confusing, but breathtaking. Every ardent touch, left me longing for more. Kisses sent me into a haze, reality diffusing into nothingness as my mind was filled with a deep and fiery desire. It was clear that I became enamored with Tyler, despite our short months together.

I wondered if the only way to patch the seemingly growing holes in our connection was to express how I truly felt. No filter, or holding back. Though, it was exactly what I struggled with. How? How do I convey my emotions after years of meaningless hookups and empty promises?

I chewed on my lip in concentration, running my nimble fingers through my flat hair. My head buzzed with several scenarios, some ending on a positive note, others not so much. And no matter the amount of heavy gulps of air I inhaled, it wasn’t enough, my anxiety finding the better of me. I eyed Tyler cautiously, curious if he remained staring down at his phone. I noticed his glazed over eyes quickly drop back to the black screen as my gaze settled over him. He had been watching me discreetly as I battled with myself continuously.

This time, I looked directly at him, mustering up all the courage I had. “Tyler, I know you were listening to my phone call last night,” I whispered in fear of rejection, though I was positive he heard me. Tyler’s head shot up at my confession, his lips forming a small pout. His eyes widened as seconds passed, before he ducked his head swiftly and shifted awkwardly in his seat.

Tyler made no attempt to solve the issue, languidly leaning into the soft cushion, as if he was indifferent to the situation. I knew he was stubborn, always jumping to conclusions and avoiding solutions. With this in mind, I plopped myself next to him, reaching out to place my hand on his upper thigh. I felt his body tense under my gentle touch, yet the look on his face was quite contrary, he looked relieved and slightly giddy.

“Babe,” I began, my tone soft, “What you heard last night wasn’t even half true.” As I spoke the words, my mind was unable to comprehend their meaning, they were simply freely flowing from my mouth. I would say anything to fix us due to the unbearable desperation filling my head.

I did not expect him to move his leg and scoot over to the other side of the sofa, shaking his head once again. Of course, the first day during our week together things turned sour. Leave it to me to ensure that.