My Name's Rayn

1.Beginning at an Almost End

I stared at the pills that, in a few hours, would kill me.
"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten." I count the tablets over and over again.
There's no hope for me anymore. I have nothing to live for. My life is basically the classic tale of a kid being given up at birth, unwanted by my actual parents. Sixteen years later, here I am living with my adopted mom and dad who couldn't care less what happens to me. I wouldn't be suprised if they would be happy when they come home from their cruise to find me dead, already partially rotten. I'm sure that Shellie would be more concerned with the stench than with my lifeless body. Frank would probably be passed out drunk. If only somebody saw how they actually were. Any time officials come to check up on me, Shellie tidies the house and tucks away any of the secrets that she wants to keep, creating a house from Better Homes and Gardens. Sure, my adopted parents were rich, but there is absolutely no love in this house, only greed. The allowance I get from the state every month is only enough to buy the essentials for myself since Frank and Shellie are usually in some exotic place being aristocrats and don't have time for me. There's nobody in the house to ever bother getting groceries, nor to spare money for my food. People from school know that I live with two wealthy parents. I hear their whispers about me wearing the same clothes over and over again every week. They think that I choose to dress this way instead of wearing designer clothes. They don't know that I haven't gotten new clothes in years. They talk about being able to see my bones and that I'm probably starving myself to be skinnier. In reality, I would love to not be stick thin, but with the diet that I am forced to have I know that I won't ever be beautiful. They think that I'm too snotty to talk to anybody and that I think that I'm better than everyone else but that's not the case. I've been forced into a shell of loneliness no matter where I go. No friends. No family. Nobody to care about.
I write my suicide letter, not that anyone will read it. Short and bland like my life. Despite the difficulties I face while I'm alive, I want to leave this world feeling no hatred. To neutralize my feelings, I decide to look through some of my old pictures from when I was little, before Shellie and Frank lost interest in me. I dig through several hiding spots searching for them. I finally find them at the very back of a closet in a box on the top shelf.I rummage through them. There are so many pictures of me smiling, yet I haven't smiled in years. I reach the bottom of the box. All that is left is a large orange envelope. When i open it, there aren't pictures but sealed up envelopes. I read the fronts of them. One says When you turn 16. Others say First day of school and When you get married. Why haven't I seen these before? Frank and Shellie probably threw all of my things into a box once they got tired of me and forgot about them. I looked through the letters and came across one reading When you're at your lowest.
My Dearest Rayn, If you're reading this it means that you must be going through tough times. Your sadness might even be caused by me putting you up for adoption...
These letters are from my mom! I quickly read the rest of the letter.
...You don't know how hard it was to make that decision. During this prolonged sadness you might feel like you don't have anyone to love. The reason that I am writing this particular letter is because depression has a history in our family. That's why I had to give you up for adoption. I'm not stable enough to take care of you or to have any influence on you. I can't drag you into my sadness. Just know that I will always love you and, as cliche as it sounds, during rocky times you just have to keep your head up and stay strong.
I Love You, Momxx
Only now do I realize the tears streaming down my face. I actually won't ever see my mom. She doesn't want to see me. Even though this isn't knew information, these letters gave me hope when I saw them unopened in the box. A piece of my mom. A way to maybe get back to her. It all came crashing down with only a few short sentences. I walk over to the bathroom counter where the ten capsules are sitting. I down three, lost in thoughts of how my life can never get better. Suddenly a thought occurs to me. I have nothing to lose. Why should I kill myself when I could run away instead. I could do anything, even start a new life. It's not like there are people that I could hurt anyways, I literally have nobody. With that in mind, I stick two fingers down my throat to gag up the pills. Thankfully, all three come up whole. With no time to spare, I pack a small bag with the few things that I own along with a jar full of money that I've kept since I was little. Never have I spent any of the money in the jar. I run to the train station down the street from the house. I have to hurry because the last train of the day will be leaving soon. As I'm running, my bag is snatched from my hand. I snap my head around to see a man running down the street with my possesions. Not a millisecond later, a mop of dark hair swishes past me, running after the man. My heart stops when I see who the boy with the black hair is. The shyest boy at school has caught up with the old, homeless man and is fighting him. Why would he be helping me? I'm in a daze when I realize that I should probably keep the boy from killing the man. I quickly run over to them, using my whole body as a shield for the homeless man. Sure, he tried to steal my things, but he and I are in the same boat and I understand how he feels.
"Stop!" I yell.
The boy's face softens as his bright green eyes stare into my blue ones. He shyly backs away. The homeless man mutters several apologies and runs away leaving my stuff behind. The shy boy walks closer to me.
"Why did you do that?" I ask the boy. He brushes a blonde curl out of my face. I'm suprised by his sudden confidence.
"Well," he says with a slight, shy grin, "allow me to explain. My name is Lane."
Authors Note:
Hi guys! This is my first story so it's probably not going to be the best, but I'm still learning! If you have any suggestions leave them in the comments. I'm completely open to anything constructive you have to say. Also, if you have any ideas for this story leave them in the comments. Thanks :) <3