It Follows {Book One}

07

Sunday, August 5
27 days

•Donghyuck•

"Where's Hyuck? He's been gone while." Doyoung's voice sounded from outside the break room Donghyuck was currently hiding in. Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers tugging at his hair harder than he had before.

He held his breath, trying hard to stop the tears that poured down his cheeks, but the more he tried to force it back, the faster the tears seemed to flow.

He tried to stay quiet, to swallow the painful lump in his throat because he knew he would be teased mercilessly if he was discovered. He was already annoying enough, according to everyone else, and it hurt to think maybe Mark was irritated with him too. Mark went out driving with Ten, and though that was a rare occurrence due to how reckless Ten was, Donghyuck knew it was nothing. But in the back of his mind he worried that Mark left to get away form him, he needed a break. And Donghyuck couldn't agree more, he couldn't think of a single reason Mark would want to be around him.

He wasn't really surprised, after all, he knew what he was doing. It was his fault, he was too loud, too obnoxious.

Donghyuck let out a long, shaky breath of air and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. He ran his fingers over his forearms. The ones that hadn't been stitched up evenly, leaving an awkward looking scar starting at his wrists and ended just below his elbow, that raised from the skin a bit higher than it should. It almost worked. He doubted he could ever do it again, as much as he wanted to. He didn't have the nerve, there was no way he could ever sit there and do that to himself. Not after seeing Mark's face the first time he tried.

And the second.

The second time, he really thought it would work. No blood, no mess, and no one had any idea. Of course, like the first time, Mark just had to worry so much, and no one blamed him of course. It was Sicheng who asked where Donghyuck had gone, and it was Jisung who commented on how he'd been in the bathroom for a very long time, and he hadn't heard a flush, or the water running. And suddenly, Mark could barely breathe when he rushed to the bathroom, knocking and calling out to see if anything was wrong. He hadn't expected a response, and he didn't get one.

Mark had barely started yelling for Johnny when he was there, slamming against the door until it burst open. Donghyuck sat on the edge of the bathtub with an empty bottle of pills on the floor in front of him. Mark grabbed him, yelling at him as he shook him, but Donghyuck let himself fall to the floor, crying. Loud, ugly, runny-nosed sobbing that tore up his throat.

I want to die, he screamed through his tears as Mark held him on the floor, holding Donghyuck's face in his hands. I hate you.

But he didn't hate Mark, and he didn't get to die. Johnny called an ambulance, and Donghyuck had to get his stomach pumped, and since then, he wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone. Mark even waited outside the door every time he went to the bathroom, and Donghyuck was miserable.

He could do it now, he thought, as he remembered the capsule in his pocket. The little blue pill that everyone was given, so they could die peacefully. Donghyuck wanted to take it so badly, and since this was the first time he'd been alone since his second attempt, he could take it right then and there with no one to stop him.

Donghyuck smiled at the thought, finally having control, not having to fake it anymore. He hated it, he hated constantly having to cheer everyone up, cracking jokes and poking fun at everyone. But it was easier, pretending he was happy.

But he was tired. And the thought of having to keep going was the second worst thing he could think of.

The first being that he would be leaving Mark alone. He couldn't do that.

Donghyuck hated himself for hurting him. Twice.

He had no idea why Mark even let him keep the pill with him, he was surprised when he didn't immediately take it away from him.

Maybe he knew that Donghyuck couldn't do it.

"No, guys, where the fuck is Donghyuck?" Mark asked, voice raising slightly. Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut again, desperately trying to force back the tears that had finally begun to slow. Until he heard Mark asking for him.

Only a few minutes passed before he heard footsteps in front of the door. Donghyuck didn't bother wiping his tears away, he didn't care if anyone saw him anymore. It didn't matter.

"Here." He said softly after he heard a light knock. The door opened slowly, and Mark stepped in and shut the door behind him.

"Hey," He said as he knelt down in front of him. "I was worried about you."

Donghyuck nodded, tuning to face Mark. Mark held his arms open and Donghyuck fell into them, pressing his face into his chest. "I know. You always are."

"Can you blame me?"

"No."

Mark sighed and held Donghyuck tighter against him. Donghyuck suddenly felt warm, his heart beating rappidly in his chest, and he wondered if Mark could hear it. He could hear Mark's, which was just as loud, or maybe that was just because  his head was resting just above where his heart was.

Donghyuck looked up at Mark, who was staring at the wall across the room. He leaned up, pressing his lips to the underside of Mark's jaw. "I love you."

Mark frowned. "No you don't."

"Don't say that," He felt his breath hitch in his chest. "Please, don't say that."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't leave."

"I won't leave," Donghyuck replied quickly, sitting up. He cupped Mark's face in his hands and peppered kisses all over his face. "I won't leave."

Mark gently pushed him back. "Promise."

Donghyuck nodded. "Yes. I promise."

"Okay," Mark gave a small smile, moving his hand away from Donghyuck's chest and letting him lay back on him. "Just so you know, if you break that promise, I'll never forgive you."

"I know."