-Thoughts of a Depressed Teen- (How Abnormal)

All For You

From the fact that you challenge Greek Goddesses' beauty just by existing. 

To the way that the color black is honored to match with your eyes. 

How I question how I can call this heart of mine, mine, when you're so full of it

Or this brain when you're all that is ever on my mind.

You confuse me endlessly, and yet you make me understand so much more.

You're not what I expected, but I am so restlessly glad you weren't.

I end up questioning all after I converse with you, especially how I was able to live without you for so long when you're the one thing that help's my breathing ease and blood flow.

How astronomy and ichthyology were blessed to be the things you obsess over. 

May you one day comprehend how much I love you, my Darling.

 But, don't you worry as I will show you how much I adore you each and every single day of my life just in case you forget. 

I weep over the fact that you call yourself useless when no one, but you can do this to me. 

You make me feel like home when we don't even have one together yet.

You make me feel like home when I don't even know what that is

Unexplained feelings keep taking over, but never, never will I complain

Never will I complain over you

These things I feel inside me from looking at you when you turn or when you wait there when you think no one is looking, how do I explain?

It's hard when you can't get a clue

But, at last, I'll keep reminding you with unnecessary, stupid poems, that you, my Darling, are what I prayed for on that late night sophomore year as I cried on the floor. 

"I just want someone to love me, but that just that. I want to love someone, I know I haven't and I'm not loving anybody. But, I want to know what happiness is with somebody. I want to know what that warmth and butterflies people are always talking about are. Because all I have ever felt is disgust, vomit urging to spill. Vomit is the only feeling I have felt for years. I want someone to love. I want to show someone my affection without fearing if I'll get shamed or just called a few words. I want to tell my lover I love them without being told I need to calm down. Where are you? Do soulmates even exist? That I don't know, but I know there is someone out there who at least understands me. I'll keep fighting for you, but I also need you to stay strong. I feel so stupid and disgusting, but I just want something to currently use as a need to keep living. Please. I just want to be happy, why is that hard? I love you, I don't know how you are right now, but I want you to know that you are loved. I love you so much, I promise I will never be ashamed of you or call you shit for showing your feelings. I know how it feels. I'm living through it. Who knew a bathroom floor could be so comfortable, right? I wish I could stay here forever with no new pain or any new scars. I will continue living no matter what though because I will find happiness and someone to be happy with even if it takes me years. No more attempts. We're done. Goodbye." 

And I found you.