The Only One I See

Hearts That Lie

As their eyes met, Levi looked away nonchalantly, as if he didn't even notice he was staring. He looked down into his milk with muddled thoughts. Was he getting sick? His head felt light, his feet felt heavy, and he had this uncontrollable urge to puke. Levi must have looked as sick as he felt because soon enough Hange waved her painted black fingernails in front of his face and said, "Earth to Levi, come in Levi." He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Yeah. What? What do you want?"

"Whoa, calm down. What were you staring at, anyways? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Hange sat up tall so she could see in the direction that Levi was looking. The first thing she noticed was the freshman boy who still had his eyes glued to their table. Her eyes turned to miscevious slits behind her glasses as she looked at her pessimistic friend, "Or was it an angel?"

"Piss off," Levi snapped, picking up his tray. The rest of the table was staring now.

"Hey, where are you going?" Hange asked.

"Away from here."

...

Levi quickly slipped into the library. No one important would be here in the middle of lunch so no one could catch him. He moved fast, grabbing the book that he wanted and sitting at a table near the back. Hearts That Lie: A collection of poems by Paige Schneider Levi read. He had done a very sound job of keeping his love of poetry under wrap. It was his personal goal to finish every poetry book in the library. Since the beginning of this year he had made it all the way to the S's. He hoped to finish by the end of the year. He open to the first poem. It had an unsurprising title: Hearts That Lie.

What should I do when my heart lies?

Pretends to rest dormant

Then leads me to what is bad

Ignoring what is good

Should I listen?

To my heart or to my head

There are so many different ways

To portray mind over matter

Levi snorted and rolled his eyes. He shut the book and shoved it back on the shelf. What was that even supposed to mean? There are different ways that a heart can lie. Lie means to rest, right? Levi grabbed a dictionary from another shelf and looked for the word.

Lie

verb

1)(of a person or animal) be in or assume a horizontal or resting position on a supporting surface.

Levi let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't sure why. He knew what sense of the word it was using, not even a dictionary could prove it wrong. Lie... as in to lie. To someone. To something. About someone or something. Why did he not want hearts to lie?

It seemed kind of cruel in Levi's eyes. You get this overwhelming sense of certainty about someone then it turns out that they were a liar or a cheater or a jerk. Levi had certainly done that to girls. But what would happen if someone had done that to that boy at lunch?

Suddenly Levi felt as if he might vomit again. What about that boy made Levi's stomach turn inside out. His palms were sweatier than they had been in a while and his heart was beating rather fast. The worst part was that he sort of... liked it. It felt nice to think about the brunette first year. They weren't lustful thoughts. For the first time in forever Levi wanted someone in the most innocent way.

He shook his head. No. He did not want anyone. This was merely a fluke. In the words of Ebenezer Scrooge 'There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are.'

Before departing for advisory he reluctantly grabbed Hearts That Lie back off the shelf.

...

"Heart lies... rest dormant... good bad...," Levi muttered, reading quickly, "Mind over matter."

"The hell are you reading?" Oluo asked, attempting to sneak a look at the book that Levi was so preciously guarding.

"A book for Language Arts. Don't worry about it," Levi snapped. Oluo didn't seem to notice his harsh tone.

"We're not reading any book in Language Arts."

"That's because I'm not in special classes."

"I thought we had the same teacher. Are you in an advanced class, Levi?" Oluo inquired annoyingly.

"No."

Just then the door opened and a black haired girl walked in. Levi thought he had seen her before but he couldn't place where. She wore running shorts and a t-shirt displaying his schools track team logo. She quietly spoke to Mr. Pixis, Levi's advisor and a freshman math teacher. He nodded eagerly and tilted his head the raven haired boys way. Then, what Levi had to guess, freshman girl approached his desk.

"Hi, my names Mikasa. My brother and I just transferred to this school and we need a little catching up on this chapters Algebra notes and homework. Mr. Pixis said that you wouldn't mind tutoring us," she said the last sentence as more of a question. Levi glared at his teacher for volunteering his for an activity in which he despised. Mr. Pixis only smiled.

"What? Levi tutors?" Oluo leaned back in his chair and laughed. Levi ignored the urge to drop his Calculus book on his frienemy's testicles.

"I don't know about wouldn't mind," he mumbled, "We can get started right after school," Levi had a thought. He slid his hands over the girls who were resting on his desk, "Then maybe we could go back to my place." He slid his hands up further, engulfing her tiny wrists and dug the tips of his fingernails into her skin lightly. He felt the goosebumps settle where he touched. Levi didn't even want to act courteously, he just wanted someone and he wanted them now. Anything to get that stupid feeling of giddy anxiety out of his abdomen.

And it worked for a whole two seconds. Just as he finished the sentence someone opened the door, distracting him from his prey. He looked him from bottom to top. Ratty tennis shoes, long legs, cargo shorts, a grey, long sleeve shirt, and a smile so bright he had to close his own eyes. It was him, the boy from lunch. So that's where he'd seen Mikasa before.

His eyes went from happy to the floor as soon as he opened them. One look of me is enough to scare him Levi thought. He was surprised by the sad pang in his chest.

"Eren, this is..." Mikasa stopped to think, "I'm sorry. What did you say your name was?"

"Levi," he almost whispered, not looking at the girl talking to him but at the boy, who Levi knew now was named Eren.

"Levi is going to tutor us," Mikasa said happily. Eren shifted his weight from foot to foot awkwardly. Levi forced back a smile. Even while embarrassed, he was still adorable. What the hell, Levi? He thought to himself, you're not even gay.

"We start after school," Levi said matter-of-factly, crossing his arms, "Bring your books."