A Week With Him

Chapter 14 - Accepting Fate

I cried into my pillow for a long while until it was damp and uncomfortable. I sniffed and my lip trembled when those dreaded words repeated in my mind. I'll be a greater father than your dad ever was. I shut my eyes tight, as if it would block out the thought, but the same sentence played over and over like a record. Jeff's words scared me, and I knew this would most definitely be one of the last chances of escaping I could get. I wiped my face and shakily tried standing on my feet, but my thigh throbbed badly. I decided to ignore it since I didn't have a choice. I limped over to the bedroom door and twisted the doorknob, I already knew he had locked it before he left but part of me was hoping that it would open anyway. By this point I knew there was no getting out, but I twisted the knob again and then a third time more desperately before I burst into more tears.

I leaned against the door as I cried, I punched it weakly between sobs until my knuckles ached. I didn't know what I'd do once I got the door open, but I knew I needed to take this chance, I don't want to be taken away from my true home knowing I didn't even try. When it seemed the door wouldn't budge I slammed my body against it and whined in frustration, my face going hot and sweaty. I hobbled over to my window next, there was a tiny gap between the two planks of wood covering it, showing a small gleam of light from outside. I slipped my fingers through the gap in an attempt to pull the plank of wood off, but it was nailed firmly in place. I tried breaking the wood with my bare hands but it was too thick and strong. I scrabbled at it when the tears came again until my fingers started bleeding. I slowly sat down on the carpet and started howling, making my headache return too. I wasn't sure if I could have really jumped out from my window anyway, but I couldn't do anything else.

I tried seeing if any of Jeff's knives could cut through the wood, but it was a pointless attempt, they were too small of course. My throat grew tighter as I placed one of his knives back on the tray, I was desperate for an idea of what to do. I sniffed sadly. There was nothing else in my room which could help me escape, and the only things Jeff left behind were his torture tools and a box of matches for the candles. It was useless.

I collapsed back onto my bed, my headache increasing every time I took a deep breath in and out, my eyes puffy and red like my face. It felt like I was buried beneath bricks, the pile getting heavier as the minutes ticked by. My head was bursting as I tried to think of a plan, but each one was faulty. Eventually I just repeated the same question in my head over and over: what do I do? Of course no one was going to magically hear my question and answer for me, so I gave up. Buckets of tears streamed down my face as I stared up at the ceiling, I felt exhausted when I couldn't cry any more. I felt ill too, my head was still burning. I didn't know how long I was lying there and was afraid Jeff would be back at any second, so I forced myself to relax, he can't know I was crying. I rubbed and closed my eyes as I held myself, trying to picture my happy place; me, my mum and dad, just cuddled on the sofa. I knew that once I opened my eyes again, I'd have to accept my fate.

*  *  *

I was pulled out of my happy place when my bedroom door opened, I frowned when Jeff stepped in, completely forgetting to smile. My heart pumped faster when I saw him drag in a small suitcase for me, as if I'm only realising now that I really am leaving. "We'll start packing tomorrow morning, I figured you'd want to take a few toys and outfits with you,"Jeff said. I just nodded to that and hoped I wouldn't start crying again. He noticed something was wrong. "Casey? Are you okay?"he asked.

Jeff crawled onto the bed to observe my face, gently lifting my chin and smoothing my hair to the side. "Have you been crying?"Jeff asked. I couldn't tell whether his tone was sad or angry, but I decided to lie again anyway. "Y-Yeah, I was just scared when you left, I hate being alone,"I said quietly. My heart rate calmed in relief when Jeff then gently smiled, I made a smooth recovery. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb,"Don't worry, neither of us will be alone once you've moved in, it'll be fun." I didn't know what to think of him when he said that. I hated him for forcing me to do this, but I also felt bad for him, the 'neither of us' part implied that he's alone too. Even though I always assumed he's been alone this whole time, I didn't really think about it that much.

* * *

I held in my tears again that night when he cuddled me in bed, he was getting excited again, smiling mischievously and trailing a finger down my waist while I pretended I was too tired. I forced myself to blush and mumbled,"Jeff, I-I'm still not ready for that.." His finger stopped moving, then he sighed softly and encased me in another tight embrace. "Yeah, I'm sorry Casey. I just...get so happy when I'm around you I guess, I've enjoyed our time together." He spoke as if we've spent years together already and not just six days, not to mention he's completely forgetting the part where he tortured me. "I've known you so long now, I feel the need to protect you, well I've always felt like that,"Jeff admitted. He planted a tender kiss to my shoulder when he said that, and it made me think.

It did make sense when I thought back to our childhood, he went as far as bloody killing the girls who simply pushed me over. Jeff seemed to enjoy my company when we were kids, he used to tell me I was different than the others but I'd just wrinkle my nose and think the same of him, he was clearly the outcast. His 'protective' side was now only worrying me, what if he kills everyone who tries looking for me when I leave tomorrow? "Jeff.."I mumbled.
"Mmm?"
"..You know, I can look after myself now, you don't have to protect me or anything anymore." I decided to base this point off my childhood bullies, it's probably when the obsession started. But Jeff squeezed me tighter, seeming annoyed. "Clearly not,"he hissed. I paused, waiting for his answer. "You were nearly raped by those men remember? You weren't capable of defending yourself then." And you could have raped me yesterday if I didn't stop it.

This whole 'protective' topic was utterly stupid, he's the one who cut open my leg. So, I stayed quiet, feeling angry and sad at the same time. He kept talking instead. "Fucking paedos, I swear this whole country is filled with disgusting people, I won't let anyone touch you like that again,"Jeff declared. The way he talked bugged me, I was wanting criminals to stop as much as anyone else, but the way his mind viewed things was so wrong to me. I decided that if I really had to leave my own home and family behind, then I get something out of this too.  "Jeff, you have to promise me you won't kill criminals anymore,"I said quietly. Jeff lifted his head curiously. "What? Why?"he asked.
"Because I don't want anyone to die, no one deserves it, I'll be all yours if you promise that,"I explained. It was like the situation had turned a little then, I was the one who offered the deal, and Jeff didn't even realise. "No one deserves to die? Even those criminals who attacked you?"Jeff whispered, sounding a bit bewildered. I nodded. He paused for a moment, looking deep in thought, then he rested his head back against mine. "Well, as long as you're mine,"Jeff whispered happily. He pressed another kiss to my shoulder while smirking then settled down.

I was expecting him to fall straight to sleep like yesterday, but he was waiting for me to sleep first now. I couldn't though of course, if I go to sleep now then I know the night will fly by quickly and I'll wake up to my new horrid life tomorrow. I wasn't ready for it, so my eyes stayed open, staring at my bedroom wall. Jeff lifted the ends of my hair to play with it and asked,"Can't sleep? Is it because of tomorrow?" I nodded to that without thinking, then my heart started thudding at the fear of him realising I'm just acting. "I...I'll just miss my parents I guess,"I mumbled quickly to save myself. Relief washed over me when Jeff sighed softly to that. He wrapped an arm around my waist and said,"I know you will, but you won't need them, we'll have fun I promise." I held back a sob then, he doesn't get it because he's never had family.

I just silently nodded to what he had said then it was quiet again. Jeff squeezed me tighter and buried his face into the back of my neck where it was warm. "You know, I always loved holding you at night, I never told you that but it was a big deal to me when I was younger,"Jeff whispered, his words slurring a little as he was drifting to sleep. My eyes watered from those words, I was feeling mixed emotions towards him right now. I couldn't decide whether I felt bad for him or if I hated him for doing this to me.