Not a girl

1

Warning: Self-harm and body dysphoria

*'Penny'/Peter's pov*

Hi... My name is 'Penny' Parker and I'm a young 'girl' living at the Avengers tower, I'm also Spiderman. To tell you the truth, I am not female- at least mentally. I'm male, even if I wasn't born one. The only living person who knows of this is Ned, my best friend.. The only other person to ever know was aunt May, she found out a few months before I became Spiderman and ordered a binder for me. Aunt May died only a month ago and I got adopted by Tony Stark-Rogers and Steve Rogers. The school, however, thinks that aunt May is still alive.. It's hard y'know? Living as a female while knowing you're a guy.. 

"Penny! It's time to get up," Dad (Steve) called. "Coming, dad!" I answered while cringing at the name 'Penny'. I quickly put on a red jumper with the text 'This shirt is blue if you run fast enough!', black skirt, black shoes and red knee high socks. This combination is only so that I can appear as a normal 'girl'. I put on a little bit of makeup, enough to not give me dysphoria about my face and grab my bag. I went out of my room.

"Oh good morning, Penny," Papa (Tony) smiled at me. "Morning, papa," I smiled at him fakely, hiding my unease about my clothes and the name. "Steve made you pancakes, there's coffee in the pot," Papa said. "Okay," I said and grabbed Pancakes and coffee. After having my breakfast I brushed my teeth while Papa called in Happy to take me to school. "Morning, Happy," I smiled awkwardly after I entered the car. "Morning, kid," Happy said and drove off to Midtown High. 

I got out of the car, said 'bye' to Happy and went inside the school. "Hey, dude! Oh shit you look really feminine today, you okay dude?" Ned said. "Hi, Ned. I'm okay'ish, maybe a little dysphoric at the moment.. And you?" I asked. "I'm good! So.. Have you figured out a name yet?" Ned asked. "I'm thinking Peter Benjamin 'Parker' would be nice," I said and did quoted when I said Parker as Ned knew I was Stark-Rogers now. "Are you pregnant Pussy Parker?!" Flash asked as he pushed me slightly. "I'm not pregnant, Flash, I'm just figuring out a character name for this book I'm making," I lied. "Nuh-uh! You're definitely pregnant judging by that over sized sweater!" Flash insisted. "No!" I exclaimed. "Went around sleeping with some people to get money, huh? How much for a round, Slut?" Flash asked. "Hey, wouldn't 'Slutty Parker' be a nice name for her?" One of Flash's friends asked. "Oooh nice one, dude!" Flash laughed. "Leave her alone!" Ned exclaimed. "Hmph! Let's go guys, let's let Fatty get some with Slutty!" Flash laughed and left us alone. 

"Why can't he just leave me alone?" I asked out loud. "No idea, dude," Ned answered. "I'm not that fat am I?" I asked insecurely. "Nah, you're ripped as hell," MJ, who just happened to be passing by said. "But-" "I've seen you in gym class, you're fucking ripped," MJ stated. "Thank MJ," I whispered. "Any time, Nerd," MJ answered and walked off. "Come on, dude, let's get to class," Ned said. "Yeah, let's go," I answered.

Twitter

MJ @ DoesNotGiveAFuck

@ GottaGoFast got @ Aracnobatics a new nickname. This time it's fucking 'Slutty Parker', like damn dude how dumb can you get? I've seen @ Aracnobatics in gym class, she's ripped! Why would she wanna ruin her hard earned abs? Also why the fuck are you so obsessed about @ Aracnobatics 's genitals and her having sex??

See replies

Ned @ TheGuyInTheChair

@ DoesNotGiveAFuck True dat! M'dude isn't a fucking slut, she's too fucking pure for that shit!

Penny @ Aracnobatics

@ DoesNotGiveAFuck @ TheGuyInTheChair , It's okay guys... Why would I care about some stupid shit like @ GottaGoFast 's nicknames about me?

MJ @ DoesNotGiveAFuck

@ Aracnobatics You really need to report him, he's calling you a slut for god's sake!

Penny @ Aracnobatics

@ DoesNotGiveAFuck It's not like anyone will do a thing about it. Plus there are people with more important problems than I..

See more replies..

I sighed as I sat inside Happy's car. "Rough day?" Happy asked. "Mhm.. This kid Flash keeps bothering me for some reason. I think it's because I defended my best friend, Ned, when Flash kept bullying him. Now I'm his main target, he keeps giving me stupid nicknames like 'Pussy Parker'," I sighed. "That's serious, kid," Happy said, concerned. "Don't tell Dad or Papa, It's not that serious. It's nothing I can't handle if it keeps him off Ned," I answered. Happy stayed quiet. After a while I hesitantly opened my mouth, "Hey Happy.." I trailed off. "Yeah?" Happy asked. "I- I'd like to be called Peter from now on," I stuttered. "... Why?" Happy asked. "I'm transgender... Please don't tell my parents.. A-and it's okay if you don't call me Peter!" I told him. "Okay, I'll call you Peter. But you really should tell them about this," Happy said. "I will, I'm just not ready yet," I answered. "Good," Happy said. The rest of the ride was fairly quiet, except for the small chat me made sometimes.

At the tower I immediately went to the Avengers floor and saw Loki in the living room. "Oh- Hello, Mr Loki," I greeted him. "Hi, Spiderling," Loki greeted and went back to his book. I went inside my room and put my bag down. I sighed as I looked at the mirror, I hated everything I saw. I hated my boobs, my hair, my clothes and my curves. I was happy with having muscles, but I hated everything else..

Y'know if you just jumped off a tall building you wouldn't have to live with this body anymore...

I froze at the thought. No I need to stay alive, for Ned and Wade, my boyfriend. I went inside the bathroom connected to my room and locked the door. I took out the blade I had for some reason taken from a creep the other day. I pushed by left hand's sleeve up and pressed the blade against my wrist and moved it slightly. I had enough strength in my arms to be able to pierce my skin without putting much effort. Now there was a line on my wrist that was bleeding, I watched numbly as it dribbled down. I did more lines on my wrist in order to feel the same numbness again. Once finished I cleaned my blade and bandaged my wrist, pushing the sleeve down to hide the bandages. I knew it was wrong, I knew I had promised May I wouldn't do this again, but I needed the relief it gave me. I left the bathroom and went to do my homework, silently thanking god F.R.I.D.A.Y wasn't allowed in my bathroom.

My phone dinged about half an hour later. I looked at it and saw that I had a message from Ned.

~~~~

Chair bro: u OK?

You: Yea

Chair bro: Yea not fooling me 

You: I'm fine

Chair bro: u cut didn't u?

You: no. promised May I wouldn't do that

Chair bro: don't believe u

You: just lemme be

Chair bro: fine.. Just know that I'm here for u..

You: I know.. Thanks bro..

Chair bro: Np bro

~~~~

I sighed, I made him worry again. "Penny! Dinner is ready," Clint called. "Okay! Be there soon," I answered. I stared at the mirror, sighed, plastered a fake smile on and went to the kitchen to eat. Perhaps I'll be able to tell them soon...

To be continued