VENTS

Ain't Comin' Back

10/21/19

Looking over the past few years of my life I see not many good memories. 2 of my friends have killed themselves, my parents fight, and I have mental issues. Yes, I understand that there have been good things. I have made friends, had relationships and got help.

In those few years, we have tried to make us work about 5 times but it never does and that could be my fault or it could be yours. You believe it or not were and are my first love. my first real friend who understood a part of me that my best friend couldn't connect to. Anxiety and depression. The first person who truly cared. Or so I thought.

The first time was okay. It worked. We were good together. Then you dumped me. I was okay with it at the moment because I was naive and didn't understand my emotions. "I ain't coming back," I said to myself. You saw how that turned out.

The second time we split because I had found that I had feelings for another person. She was nice, sweet, pretty, caring, and I liked her A LOT at the time. So the second time was my fault I guess for having feelings for multiple people. Soon after, you developed feelings for her. We all decided to try a poly relationship. It didn't work the first time but he had feelings for me and i had feelings for her so we started dating. Then you stepped back into my life and we tried that poly relationship again. It didn't work. Me and her soon broke up.

We dated once more and I found that I loved you. Then you broke my heart once more. I cried and got severely depressed. That summer a lot of people don't know but I had a really hard time and contemplated suicide a hell of a lot more than I normally would have.

When school started again we became friends. BAD DECISION. That lead me right back into a relationship with you. You once again broke me. But this was the worst yet.

A few weeks later I found someone who cared about me for me and would sprint from a school around the corner just to give me a hug goodbye. I love him. I really do. But I thought I needed a break so I lied to him and myself and told him and myself that I was losing feelings for him. I hurt him and I never wanted to hurt him and I was sad.

I tried taking a break but 'heartbreaker' tugged me back in

We then tried yet again. This time all was going fine until someone told me that they liked you and I took it very lightly and I told you thinking nothing of it. I soon realized that this girl was my cousin and we became really close. She is always there for me in thick and thin. After I told you we kept going in our relationship after talking about it. We started spending more time together. Then I realized that you were growing distant. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to lose you again. Then one day at lunch I and, let's call her Cat, were sitting together having really bad anxiety. You walk up and sit down. "We need to talk" is what you said.

Cat and I were holding hands because it helped with the anxiety and our hands were going numb from the squeezing. "Bobbie you know I like you and i want what is best for you and i think what is best for you is to not be with me. Cat you know that I like you and i think that overall you understand me better" That right there is almost exactly what you said to us. After lunch when me and Cat had to go to class we went to the bathroom instead and I collapsed in tears. She told me something that all of this has taught me "You are a beautiful, smart, and caring person and it is his loss. You are too good for him. You deserve better. Everything will be okay. It will get better."

Cat you know who you are. Thank you so much for being there when I need you and even when I don't. I love you so much and never forget that.

Other person you know who you are too. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry for lying.

Last but not least. Heartbreaker. that's the name I gave you. You hurt me to bad this time. This is the last time you will ever hurt me.

SO I SAY

"I ain't comin' back"

A/N

Sorry for this I know it is crap but I needed to get it off of my mind I wrote this at about 11:30 pm in Colorado.