I came in and sat down in the same seat I sit in every day. He sat next to me. I didn't want to come to this class in the first place. I used to love this class because he was in it. Now I HATE this class because I have to see him and know deep down inside that I love him and I always will no matter what he does, how he feels, or why he does what he does. I used to look forward to this class but now I look forward to it being over. Seeing him and knowing that he doesn't feel the same way I do breaks me more and more every time I see him. I try so hard to hold in all of my feelings. I feel like I am overreacting about this. He has left many times. But this time, this time is different. This time it hurts so much worse because I saw it coming. I think being with him this time was just my attempt at finally being happy with my life, my looks, my attitude. He made me feel safe in his arms and i believed him when he said he loved me. Looking back now i see that I was the only one who was in love. I know this because if he was in love he wouldnt leave me not 2 days before the 1 year of my friend committing suicide due to low self esteem. Last time it was 3 days before my birthday. This time 2 days before one of the worst days of my life.
I HATE myself for still loving him. ABSOLUTELY HATE myself. I want to die.......No I need to die. The only way to relieve myself of these feelings is dying but i cant die. No because i made a promise. An unbreakable promise. I am sorry for even thinking of doing this but it just pops into my head sometimes and i cant get it out. I thought he loved me but in the end he was playing me like everyone else does.
A/N
Sorry for this I hate myself but have a good day hope yours is better than mine :)
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VENTS
RandomWhen I need to Vent I put it here you might wanna read it but this is more just for me Might be triggering I don't know so read to you own risk Might have explicit language. Chapters don't always go together if ever
