ISOLATION

7.

The first golden rays of sunlight shine through the narrow blinds covering my bedroom window, which is also the back door to our house. Warmth caresses my exposed legs. They bask in the light as I lay comfortably in bed. My gaze is soft. I doze off while watching the dust particles sparkle in the translucent flow of the air. Innocence only yields in the first few minutes of awakening. It's not long before corruption cripples that temporary bliss. I remember the events of yesterday and the day before yesterday. Even the unexplainable dreariness that has kept me isolated for weeks, catches up to me now. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can disappear again.

The moment is interrupted by an obnoxious buzzing noise. My cell phone vibrates the glass table it sits upon. With a prolonged, and slightly annoyed sigh I got up from my comfortable position in bed. David's name illuminates my phone screen. "Hello?" I answer in a raspy voice. "Hey- I have been texting you but you haven't answered so I figured I'd call and make sure everything's alright-" It's the first time hearing his voice since the car ride home yesterday. I tried to further explain why I acted out the way I did, but he refused to listen. When we got home, I locked myself in my room and he stayed out in the living room. I didn't bother telling him about this new delusion of mine. The more I do think about it the more real it becomes. I know I saw her at that car accident yesterday. The police officer admitted to seeing her. His partner drove her to that bus stop. Maybe she saw me coming and she ran off. That would mean she meant to get onto that bus, right? She knows where I live. She could be here now. She could be watching me. In that empty field across the street from my house, she's there. Standing hauntingly behind the palms. Just beyond where the shadow touches. She is standing crooked, so she blends in with the abstract negative spaces. Those spaces so pitch-black, that anything, and anyone could be lurking there.

Now, I have somehow ended up standing on my front porch? The fresh air feels exhilarating. My lungs can open up now. "Summer?" David's voice greets me at the front door. "I'm coming home early" He adds. I still pause before I reply into the phone. "Okay, yeah- that's great-" A part of my consciousness is still somewhere lost in that delusion. "It is?" His sharp reply reminds myself I'm supposed to be mad at him. "Right, so when will that be then?" I respond in a lower voice. The 'tough' act of actually lifting up my shoulders heightens the overall pride projecting from my voice. "Probably closer to ten-" he says. I feel myself yawn just hearing how early it is.

"-Yeah tonight" he adds.

I immediately frown. "Oh? Tonight? So, you're not going to be home all day then."

David snaps back. "I haven't been home all day, Summer. I'll be back in a couple hours babe, you must have been sleeping all day."

I look out toward the sunset. "Oh dang- okay, well my body probably really needed that-"

"How are you feeling?" David asks, sympathetically. I make my way back inside the house and wander into the kitchen. "I feel better actually, I definitely have my appetite back. I'm starving." I speak honestly. My body leads me to the refrigerator. To stay preoccupied, I open it up and stare vaguely at all the rows of nothing. "Want me to bring home something?" Despite the cold being emitted from the fridge, I can feel the warmth radiating from his smile. David and I always met back up this way. We can recognize each other's subtle acts of indulgence. "Yes please, it'll be later so, desert too?"

"Ayee- okay yeah! I'll get us something-"

"Okay-hm-" His childishness makes me laugh. Little things like that will always be that one thing in times like this. "Also uh-" I pause for a second. "I was hoping we could talk a little bit about yesterday-" On the opposing side of my 'moral meter', I have thought about truly seeking out help. This, I'll mention to him. "-I think I'm going to see the therapist, the doctor recommended. You were right- I should put in more effort-"