A woman's entire existence is consumed by dread emitted from evil itself as it follows her wherever she goes.
written and illustrated by: rebecca tamayo
I feel drained. Like I overslept for days and I haven't eaten for weeks. A part of my mind remains trapped in limbo. While fighting off a terrible headache, I try to force myself fully awake. "Focus", the word sounding like a desperate cry, becomes my only chance to escape this impending horror. Soft drips from the water echo beneath the ringing in my ears. Everything is quiet now. This world now resides beneath a daunting shadow. With every passing second the light grows dimmer. Still disoriented, I reach for my phone. But my body lies inches deep in muddy water. The cold wetness acting like an adhesive discomfort spreading over me. My toes wiggle in mushy shoes and my hair falls heavy. In an attempt to sit upwards, I press my hands further into the sand. There is no stable ground and I only sink further. The loss of control and stability, allows fear to finally take over. It takes me a second to regain balance, but I stand up and observe my surroundings.
This is unarguably the most confused I have ever been in my pathetic life. I have no grasp on any developing thoughts. All I know is that I'm awake. Mud has completely befouled the lower half of my body. I'm standing again on the border of land and water. I can still hear the strange woman's voice in my head. She repeats herself over and over again. But she is nowhere to be seen. I survey every visual aspect of the forest around me. I can still feel her presence, like she lurks in the hidden spaces.
"F-focus-" I run. At first it was difficult. My body has been unconscious for who knows how long. But I have to focus on getting out of here. I don't care how ridiculous this may seem. This isn't normal. As swiftly as an Olympic runner: my feet, stomp over the uneven terrain. I shove aside all of the straggling vines crossing over the path. My hands swat at the bugs invading my personal space. I don't bother looking over my shoulder. I know she is all around me. I just keep running.
Scenarios of the woman jumping out from behind the trees or grabbing at my limbs: instilling sheer panic within. I don't think I have ever run this fast before. My heavy footsteps create loud thumping noises. Over the sounds of leaves breaking and gravel thrashing, a drum sets the tempo to my quick pace. I miss a couple branches. *Thump* they wisp through my fingers and whack me across the face. *Thump* a cramp twists my insides, but I'll keep running. *Thump-thump-thump* my vision is deteriorating, but I'll keep running.
As soon as the sun sets below the horizon, I escape the enclosing forest. instantaneously, my feet come to a halt along with the drums. My hand grabs my chest. I leave that world behind, but the woman's presence still terrorizes me. I stay attentive as I walk to my car. This place doesn't feel familiar anymore. I'm still not bigger than it. It's no longer bigger than me. The strange woman enshrouds us both. I feel like I'll see her behind every tall strand of grass. The tenacious stature of her long figure and the dead expressionless mask: just watching me. But as the wind blows, no one is there. I'm still left with the portentousness of not knowing where she is.
I pass the short wooden fence enclosing the parking lot. Parked beneath the one tall dirty lamp post is my car. Slowing down my pace, I look around one last time to make sure no one is there. I reach for my car door. I pull it open and throw myself inside. Crouching in a crooked ball, she could be sitting behind me. Her eyes glowing yellow shine between the fingers hugging her cheeks. She is waiting and hiding. Mud, dirties my seat when I sit down. I close my car door and encase myself in silence. The atmosphere is so null. I have to look behind me, before this eeriness drives me crazy. Of course, no one is there. "Ok-ok...Maybe I am, just crazy." I take deep breathes.
I realize how out of it I still am. The road ahead of me feels endless. The city lights leave long throbbing streaks cutting any rational intuitions in half. It's all wrong. With no clear motive, I start crying. The rest of the car ride home consists only of my mindless sobbing and me. But that stops as suddenly as my car does. I park in front of my small, one story house. I turn off my car and my mind with it. The tedious reality I resent so much awaits me inside.
A trail of dirt follows me up to my front door. It creaks open, loud enough to alert those inside. I re-enter my world, my insignificant little world. It feels less tolerable knowing I can no longer escape it. There is nowhere else for me to go.
"Oh-my-god!" I snap. Loud sounds of dishes being tossed around come from the kitchen. Our house's lay out allows me to see everything, but the rooms behind closed doors. The interior has the same color palette as a hospital waiting room. A tall pale man makes his way out into the living room. He stops when he sees me drenched in mud and debris. I want to ignore him at first so I turned around and lock the door. I can already feel myself getting tired. I have not even said anything yet.
"What happened?" my boyfriend, David asks. With messy black hair and mix- matching clothes, he approaches me. The circle glasses fall down the flat arch between his eyes. "Are you hurt? Where were you all day?" David's eyes examine me before becoming desperate for answers. David is the human embodiment of light itself. Not only does he radiate happiness and appreciation, but also it's entirely genuine. He really is the kindest man I have ever known. Me being abhorrent inclines our incompatibility. Now his kindness is my guilt. Every question only drew me further into myself. I stand still. David does too. "Can you just go get me a towel?" I ask as calmly as I can.
"Yeah sure."
"Thank you..."
I don't clean off much; just enough to not leave a trail of dirt behind. David lingers by, hoping for an explanation, but he doesn't get one. I go straight into the bathroom.
Her face appears in every void of my mind. Her voice is the undertone to every noise I hear. Her presence still weighs me down. It's as if she's still here. I close the bathroom door behind me and look over at the shower curtain. She's waiting for me there. With hesitation, I pull the curtain back and step underneath the showerhead. She torments me every time I close my eyes. So I stare down at my feet and watch as the water turns brown. The shower can only clean so much. My consciousness remains polluted by the memories of what happened today.
"Hello."
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The perfect voice calls out to me from behind the curtain. She stands with her long face almost touching the curtain. Her long crooked fingers, twitching, patiently waiting to wrap themselves around my neck. My imagination envisions her larger and more deformed. "But, she didn't hurt me?" I mumble.
"What?" a different voice answers me. I feel my body freeze. My heart and lungs: constricting. That's when it all hits me. Every single thing hits me and it hurts. It's a swelling pressure in my throat. It yanks the shower curtain open and pulls me by my hair. It pushes me into the wall and laughs in my face. No, it waits patiently for me. It's devious and it's all around me. It's unpredictable. It's absolutely terrifying. My throat begins to expand. I just start screaming.
"David! David!" the more I scream, the more I have to scream.
My desperation is prominent. David pulls open the curtain. His reflective brown eyes, wide and sympathetic. His touch is careful and comfortable. "It's okay, it's just me, it's just me. You're fine. Summer, you'll be okay." He takes me into his arms and sits me down on the bathroom floor. I sit there naked and completely vulnerable while I rebuild the walls that were knocked down today.
I felt everything all at once, now I feel nothing at all.
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