The stinging brightness of morning fills the room and wakes me up. I roll over to see Alex still sleeping next to me. I slowly stand and make my way to the bathroom. My head is pounding and I want nothing more than to go back to sleep but sleeping isn't something that comes easy to me. I peel my clothes off and jump into the shower. The cold water wakes me up. I turn it to hot and I stand under the stream. I turn it all the way left and I feel burning of the hot water on my body. I don't want to move. I want to stay underneath the water until there is no more hot water. The pain becomes too unbearable and I jump away. I look down at my stomach and legs and notice they're all red. My little chicken legs wobble and I can barely hold myself up but that's nothing different. I'm used to being weak. I hear a door open and shut and someone starts banging on the door.
"Stella, you're using up all the fucking water!" Alex yells. I shut the water off and get out of the shower. I quickly put on clothes and open the door. Alex stands there in his underwear looking at me. He hates when I take long showers. He grabs my arm and pulls me out of the bathroom. The door slams and I am falling face first into the hallway wall. My arms don't stop me, my head just smacks against the wall. I slide down the rest of the way and I put my hand on my head. I make sure I'm not bleeding. When I pull my hand away from my head and look at my hands. Crimson colored liquid covers the tips of my fingers and dripped down into my palm. I sigh and push myself to my feet.
"What's wrong with your head?" Ashton asked as he grabbed my arm.
"Nothing," I say as I try to hide my face. He grabs my chin and turns my head so he can get a better look at my wound.
"What happened, Stella?" He asks as he looks closer. When I don't answer him he presses for one. "Did he do this?" I nod slowly. He sighs and drags me to the kitchen. I sit at the table and he goes to get paper towel and rubbing alcohol. He walks back to the table, where I am sitting, and he puts a little alcohol on the paper towel and starts to scrub the wound. I flinch at the sudden pain. He stops for a second to make sure I'm okay. He pastes a plaster on my head and I thank him. "You have to stop letting him do this to you. If you know what's good for you."
"What are you talking about, If I know what's good for me? Jesus, Ashton, it's nine in the morning and you're already drunk," I say taking notice of the Bourbon on his breath. Ashton is nothing but a dirty drunk, but he is the only real friend i have besides Alex. I would die for Alex. He smiles and looks away.
"I'm pretty high too," He starts putting his supplies away. "And I'm surprised you're not high yet."
"I just got out of the shower, give me a few minutes," I stand and walk over to him. He grabs a pipe and a torch and guides me outside. He hands me both objects. I put the pipe in my mouth and lit the torch. I put the torch under the pipe and took a deep breath. I held it in until it felt like there were crystals lining my lungs. I let it out slowly and I take in new air.
"Feel better?" Ashton asked. I don't know what's in the pipe, and I don't care, I just want more. I take another hit and I hand it to Ashton. "Whoa, slow down," He says taking a hit from the pipe. I ignore him and take slow, deep, breaths. I'm flying. I'm flying.
Ashton looks at me. His hazel eyes seem to stare into me. I move closer. He doesn't stop me. He moves his hand to rest on mine. I don't move it.
"I want to be piss drunk," I say, our faces only inches away from each other. Alex could come out at any moment and I don't care. I'm flying.
"You said it yourself, it's nine in the morning," He stands and walks inside. I look through the sliding glass doors and Ashton takes his normal seat, next to Jack, on the couch. He holds a bottle of vodka in one hands and cranberry juice in the other. A glass sits in front of him on the coffee table. Alex walks in my line of vision. Butterflies float around in my stomach. He walks outside and sits next to me. He hands me a opened beer and kisses my cheek.
"I'm sorry about earlier," He says pulling me closer. I smile and settle into his embrace. "You know how I am in the morning," I nod. He holds me tighter. "I love you, Stella," his words roll off his tongue and enter my ears like Ecstasy laying on my tongue, like heroin enters my bloodstream. It keeps me high, it helps me live one more day. I would smoke it, pop it, ingest it, and inject it, any thing to keep it flowing through my system like blood. Amazing how three words can keep me coming back for more, no matter what the situation is, 'I love you' keeps me wanting more and more like crack. It's stronger than any drug I've ever tried, and I've tried them all. From pot to meth, those three words are enough to fuel me. I'm high on love. I'm flying.
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Stella on the side
