Shattered {AU Louis Tomlinson}

Chapter 2

A/N: This is a chapter on how Shea is feeling. I know it really isnt like anything that happens, but this is what Shea feels before, *cough* Louis *cough* saves her :D SOOOOO I think the next chapter she will meet Louis :D I was just wondering, should it be an AU or not? Oh and FYI This is not edited sorry :/

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READ!!!

Maybe I wasn’t alone. Maybe I just thought I was. Maybe that isn’t true.

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I just feel down. I just feel like you aren’t actually there for me… I consider texting you and just being like ‘Hey… Can we talk…’ But you’d probably listen for two seconds and get bored. I mean that’s what you usually do… Today and yesterday I was lucky, you acted like you did when we first met. You acted like you. I don’t know why…. I don’t know why you aren’t you… I feel like maybe it just because I’m younger or not cool enough or too fat or too ugly… or maybe just in general not a person that is likeable in any way.

So many times I try or start to say ‘Please… Just can please sit sown, shut up and listen?’ You don’t even understand how much you mean to me, let alone how much I love(ed) you. I feel like I’m losing you. I shouldn’t be jealous. I shouldn’t be hurt. I should be normal. I should do what I promised myself; do what I denied for years. I don’t think anyone has noticed that I’m slipping, that I’m thinking about leaving every day. I just need you to shut up. I need you to listen.

After I tell you, I can bet my life you will leave for ever, that you will be disgusted with me. So I have made a decision. After I tell you, I’ll just end the pain. It’s not like you or anyone else will care. I want to thank you though. You were there on my birthday when I broke down, lost all my friends and was alone… You came, I didn’t even know your name, but you were there… Even though that’s the only time you’ve seen my cry, there has been times when ‘I felt sick’ (that really means I locked myself in a room and cryed.)

Maybe one day you will find this on Wattpad and realize how much you meant to me, since I never actually decided to send this to you. You’ll just go spread it or something. Now everyone thinks your mean.

No. You were there for me. I must admit, I understand why you would spread it! It’s great gossip: Her life of drama, sadness, and other crap!

To everyone out there, I’m sorry. But I’m not worth it. I’m an ugly bitch, whore, faty, pimple face, whatever you have called me. I don’t need sorrow, I don’t need support. I need the person I talked about in this. You are very important to me. You are funny. You are you and I fell in love with that.

No I’m not lesbian so this is obviously, a guy..

Best friends for ever. He is perfect. But you changed… Everyone changes, but you promised you wouldn’t. I actually remember the day I said it.

“Hey, promise you won’t become a normal guy? Please promise that you will stay just like you?”

“Haha, why would I change? I don’t believe in the whole ‘Change’ thing, I mean how do you change?”

I didn’t answer the question, instead I believed you. I shook my head giggled and said your right.

I should have said something, but I did realize something. You never said ‘I promise’.  Maybe it was just a simple mistake or maybe you planned to crush me. The funny thing is that I put that smile on. That I laughed and it was a good laugh too, but it was still fake. They all said they were my friends and that they were there for me. But obviously not because they have never and probably will never notice.

It’s really is funny though; the people that are around you most, the people you talk to everyday, everyone. You talk to hundreds of different people, yet no one notices. I guess I could say that I don’t want anyone to know… But would be lying… And I don’t need to do it…. Again…. So I guess instead of Prince charming, I need you. And I need the world to see it. The pain, the darkness, the lies, the secrets; Why can’t you just see it?

Do I need to scream it out? Do I need to shove it in your face?

I have screamed out enough. So I’m telling you: Please Just shut up? Just long enough to let me scream, to let me be me again.

When I met you, you were perfect. You were me. You are me. But somewhere along the lines, something changed you. And if I had three guesses I would get it on the first one.

Me.

But all I can say to that:

I am me. You can’t change that, my friends can’t change that. I am me, myself and I. I cannot say that I am beautiful, but I think I can say that I am being beautiful.

You bully. Everyone does. You may think it’s nothing, just a little tease, a joke, a comment. But what no one realizes is that it goes deep.

So for you, I have one thing.

Thank you.

That was both sarcastic and real.

Thank you for being there when I needed you, for the most part.

Thanks for giving me depression.

Thank you.

I hope she makes you happy. I hope that love does come to me one day.

Even though I am not sending this message, one day you will see it. Maybe one day I’ll do it; one day I’ll scream it out:

Shut up. Just shut up. I don’t care about her. I don’t care! Just shut up and let me talk!!

One day I will do it. One day you’ll read this. One day I’ll find love. One day it will all make sense. One day I will end it. One day you’ll realize that I was the one. One day.

No I don’t want you sorrow, or for that matter, any ones. I don’t want sympathy, or support.

I’m here now. I will stay. But I know that one day, it will end. But for now, I’ll stay.

 ;

Thank you.