I don't want it to be a one time thing (jatthew or jay x Matthew)

This feeling of loneliness

         As Jay waited he was trying to prepare what he'd say to Matthew without seeming too awkward. He didn't know how Matthew would be since they didn't talk since then. He hoped things would be ok but he was doubtful.

He could never predict what Matthew would do next. He didn't know how he would feel since he was pretty guarded and often covered his emotions with sarcasm.

Though he couldn't say he was much different. No one would've guessed that he would be guarded but he'd just picked up on it. After living with two assholes for brothers, parents who don't care, and friends that just tease him he felt like he needed to.

Anyways, as soon as he collected his thoughts he saw a swarm of kids go through the front door. He was surprised at how much time he spent thinking near the lockers and was grateful that he already put his back pack away and immediately started to look for Matthew so that they can talk.

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After a minute or two he finally found Matthews locker. He took a deep breath and went over to him to talk to him.

"Heyyyy Matthew" I internally cringed at how awkward he sounded. Why was this making him so nervous? He knew what he was going to say.

"Hello Jay" Matthew said with no nervousness that jay did. No emotions at all actually. Like their kiss never happened.

"Epic game of smooch or share right? Especially when we continued the game later on but we were in private. And it was still part of the game and not real life?" He rushed out quickly. He was lying straight through his teeth and he didn't know why.

He knew what he was going to say. He practiced it pretty much a hundred times. But looking at Matthew right in his eyes. He felt so nervous already and talking to Matthew made his nerves worse.

Matthew on the other hand looked unimpressed by his words and more annoyed and rolled his eyes

"Well I see that your taking us making out very well" he said sarcastically. As Jay started to nervously chuckle and start to blush from the mention of their kiss.

"Is that what we did? Because I barely remember or think about it at all" he rubbed behind his neck. That was an obvious lie. He always thought about it. Especially how much he wanted to do it again how much he enjoyed it.

"Relax it was a one time thing" he rolled his eyes again, unknowingly breaking Jays heart as he just threw away any confidence Jay had left about actually confessing to him. As Jay let out a forced sigh of relief of 'great' he heard Matthew say "see you in the manhole in ten years" as he started to walk away from him after slamming his locker door shut.

"Yeah right I'll see you in the man hole in ten years" he let out a nervous chuckle as Matthew went away.

When Matthew was no where in sight an the bell rang he decided to skip class since Matthew was in that one. So he snuck to the janitors closet and sat on the floor and curled into a ball.

He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. He should've expected rejection, a feeling he got too used to. He shouldn't have expected everything to be the way he thought and that Matthew might ever like him back.

He was stupid in thinking so, a fool to think that anyone would like him.

No one did, not even his own family or friends . It's why he's so alone. Why he resorted into talking to pillows and non-sentient objects. It's why he tries so hard for attention with his magic. It's why he had so many walls built up. He should've never wanted to let Matthew in, to let himself love him. Someone too good for him. Someone he could never have.

He felt something drop on his hand. He looked down and saw a wear mark on his hand, followed by another and another, until he realized he was crying. It's when he also realized his breathing had went to hyperventilating. He tried to calm down but he couldn't seem to as he was shaking.

He just let out silent tears and let it come out and then the door knob turn and the door start to open. And he tried to curl up in a ball and forced himself to stop shaking putting a hand over his mouth to silence any noise so the person wouldn't tell he was crying and would hopefully go away.

That didn't seem to be the case though as he heard the door close, the light turn on and a small gasp from the person he still had yet to see, but telling by the low voice it was a guy. Then footsteps were heard making its way towards him and stop in-front of him.

He didn't lift his head, fearing he may appear weak and get laughed at for this. But the person didn't say anything and sat down. He hoped the person wouldn't say anything to him so that he wouldn't have to look up or to talk which he assumed either shaky or hoarse because of the crying.

But that's not what ended up happening. As a few minutes later the guy leaned back onto the wall they were near and let out a small sigh and Jay could feel the persons eyes land on him and stiffened up. He was scared of what the person might do. He curled up tighter and feared the worse.

That was..until he heard the voice of the person who was in the closet with him. Someone he knew all too well and should've expected him to come on here during a class.

"J-jay?.." the boy said with an anxious small voice as I suddenly look up a bit,with hesitation since he didn't know if it was safe to let him see him like this, but after a bit of internal debating he thought that this person was safe,to see if his assumption was correct on who it was.

"A-Andrew.."

And now we leave on a cliffhanger! So stay tuned for more! Make sure to leave constructive criticism and other comments down below and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!