The Boss That Wants Control

Cody

"Hey Cody?" I yell out while taking a shower.

"Yeah, babe? You need some help in there?" He says with a wink as he walks into the bathroom. I roll my eyes. My heart used to melt every time he would say something like that... not anymore. Now it just feels pervy.

"No. I wanted to talk; we never got the chance to the other day."

"Oh... yeah, I'm good. I need to get ready to head over to Brett's anyway." He smooths his shirt out that he was starting to take off. "I told him I'd be there in an hour."

"Cody. This can't be avoided anymore." Shutting off the water, I walk out without wrapping up in a towel first. It's ridiculous, but I know it'll get his attention. It works, of course, his eyes immediately eating up every inch of my exposed body.

"Yeah, babe. Anything." His voice is hoarse and eyes heavy.

"Good." I walk up to him and kiss his chest. "We need to talk about where this relationship is heading. I mean, are you looking for a better job? Have you applied to grad school? What plans do you have for your future? Do you see me in your future still?"

He rolls his eyes but moves his hands to my hips and pulls me closer, not even caring that I'm making his clothes wet. He moans. "Mmm, I see you in my bed in five minutes. Does that count?"

"Cody. Seriously." I look into his eyes and start to pull away. "I need to know if we have a future. I've made excuses for you for too long. I've loved you since I was 12, your family is basically my family and I always knew that you were the one I wanted to marry. But recently... I don't know if I can say the same."

"Look Kris, can't we just, I don't know, be chill and just leave it as it is?" He pushes me away and pulls his shirt off. "I've always loved you. You'll always be my girl. But I just don't see my life the same way that I used to. I'm not putting deadlines on myself or my life. I just want to be. No expectations."

Wow.

"What happened to you wanting to go to law school? I thought you were going to apply to undergrad law in the Spring?" I roughly grab my towel off the hook, wrapping myself up. "What happened to you wanting to be married and a dad by the time you were thirty? What happened to the life that we always talked about? Were you ever serious about that or did you just say those things to get into my bed?"

I turn around and Cody is standing right behind me with a strange glint in his eyes. "Why the fuck does it matter? I know you're happy just to be with me." He smirks. "Hell, any woman is."

I want to respond to that, but he is quick to cut me off. "Listen, we can talk later. Right now, I really just want to go over to Brett's. Don't wait up for me, I have a late shift tonight and I'll probably just crash at my place after." He throws his wet shirt in the hamper and leaves the bathroom.

Sighing, I close my eyes and focus on deep breathing.

If he doesn't open up soon, I just don't think I can handle this anymore. I think to myself. I don't deserve this. Hell, nobody does. I can't believe he's changed so much. He was always such a sweetheart; to me and everyone else. He used to love me...

The sound of Jagger barking in the living room brings me back to reality. Cody must be leaving now. I smirk. The fact that Jagger doesn't like Cody should've been a hint. Hell, the fact that Cody didn't even realize I'd gotten Jagger for almost a month should've been a hint. Thinking back, I can't pinpoint when exactly Cody changed. I guess he's just slowly evolved into the person he is now. Which, I guess, is how it always happens. People change.

After getting ready and verifying with Charity that she was good to take care of Jagger today, I head out of the apartment. I don't quite have any plans for the day, just that I need to get out of here and just spend some time thinking about what I really want. In life, in relationships... everything.

I grab some Starbucks and head to my favorite park here in the city. I love its diversity- playgrounds for kids; swings for kids, or adults honestly; a trail for joggers or walkers; a large lake for fishers, or just anybody wanting to relax. It's my favorite place in the whole city.

I head towards my spot. It's a fairly good hike up the hill on the main trail and then a short trek off of it, through the trees and other growth. There are actually quite a few people here for a weekday. I pass a younger woman with her three dogs; a man about my age running with his headphones in; and a large group of old ladies doing their mid-day walks with small weights in their hands. I wave to them all and say hi, only the old ladies return it.

I push through the final bush and step out onto the rocks, overlooking the lake. The sky is high enough that I have my sunglasses on, and the rays reflect off of the waves below me. There are a few sail boats out today and only one motorboat. The day is mostly quiet on the water. No racing, no tubing, no kids screaming and laughing. Peaceful.

I smile as I find my favorite rock to lean against as I look out on the water. I pull my backpack off and sit down, grabbing my water bottle out of the side pocket. I lay back and rest my head on the rock and close my eyes.

So. What do I want? Do I want to put up with Cody until he gets his shit together, or do I leave and take care of myself? I'm finally in a great place with myself. I love my life. The only thing that isn't great is...well... Cody. And I don't know what to do about it. I mean, he breaks my heart every time I talk to him. He isn't the same boy that I fell in love with in high school. I know everyone says that people change after school, but Cody didn't. Not until this past year when he started hanging out with Brett all the time. I've only met Brett a few times and we definitely did not click. He was super pervy and cocky. Not my cup of tea, thanks.

But on the other hand, Cody is the love of my life. He got me through so many dark places in my life: when my parents divorced, when my grandma was diagnosed, when Castner did what he did to me... He's always been there for me. I love him. I always will.

Jordyn's words ring through my head. Are you still in love with him?

I have my answer, I just don't want to admit it.

No.

I haven't been, not in a long time. And I guess that's my answer.