Of Tragedy, Trauma, and Transgender

Prologue: What You May Have to Know

Before I start the retelling of this story, you gotta know something. Some THINGS, actually.

My name is Skylar. I like it 'cause I designed it. It's my preferred name.

But my birth name, or dead name as it's called, is "Melecia".

I used to like it, but it was too girly. It's pronounced "Militia".

A girl got scared when she heard my old name because to her it meant death. It sounded like "militia" and militaries are associated with death a lot.

Also, I'm trans. Luckily, my generation is a welcoming one, and I was almost never heckled for this.

It was my birthday when I realized something.

September 14th, 2019

My friends and I were at Dollar Tree, getting things to decorate our jars or other things.

Under the supervision of our parent's of course.

We were joking around, and I casually got a cheap men's body spray.

Abby wanted to ask the cashier a question but was too shy to, so I helped her.

Then we checked out and went to my place to decorate!

We had so much fun. Singing, feathering, and gluing!

I did accidentally burn myself with the hot glue gun, but I (being me) got over it quick.

Soon it was time for them to leave, but I still remained happy.

I put on the body spray and went to sleep like that.

For the past two weeks, I started to question my gender in private.

The Sunday after those two weeks, I had choir practice.

September 29, 2019

Choir was the usual fun, we sang, we talked, we're done.

But this time, something slightly different happened.

When we were getting ready to leave, I was talking to my friends (two of many), Noelle and Julia.

I don't remember what we were talking about, but then Noelle said this:"Blah blah blah and HE blah blah blah-oh shoot."

"Did you just-?" she interrupted me."YES I did, and I am SO sorry that I said he instead of she oh gosh!" she apologized profusely.

I laughed two syllables, "It's okay! I'm getting a haircut today!"The past week, I had been begging my mom for a haircut, too.

She locked eyes with me, "A haircut doesn't make you a boy, though..."

Then she added really quickly, "But if you ARE trans, Melecia, I WILL support you in every way possible."

My voice got quiet, "I just don't know yet."

She smiled, "Okay."

The next morning, while microwaving chicken for breakfast, I was thinking really hard about this decision.

Am I really gonna go this route? I thought, as I did my morning routine and went to the car.

When I saw my (seven-year-old) sister waiting for me in the car, as usual...I thought, yes.

September 30th, 2019

I plopped down in my seat, and turned to my sister, "Monica."

She looked at me, "Yes?"

"I'm not your sister anymore...I'm your brother."

"Really? Okay!" she accepted brightly.

I smiled, putting on a false thinking face, "So, now that I'm a boy, don't you think 'Melecia' is a bit of a girly name?"

She put on the same face, but more wonderous. "Yeaah, it is a girl name..."

I lit up, finishing my fake thinking, "Hey, how about Skylar?"

She smiled, really excited because she's a kid, "YEAH! That's a good name!"

I tested her memory: "So, what am I?"

"My big brother!"

I smiled, "What's my name?"

"Uhh, Skylar?"

"Yes! But you can't call me that in front of Mom and Dad...only call me that when we're alone."

She nodded, "Okay!"

And she did.

Finally, I gradually started coming out to my peers (mostly girls) at school, and they all accepted me with no question.

Gosh, I love my friends (and sister) SO much...

Most of them, anyway...

But right now, four weeks later, I'm in a fight with one.

My best friend: Abby.