Of Tragedy, Trauma, and Transgender

Chapter 5: Wake-Up Call (Friday)

Hi.

It is morning. I was going to the counselor's again, but I was held back on time because I had a project to work on at school.

I walked through the hallway, and I looked through the doorway.

The door was open, and I peeked inside.

The room was empty...I sighed and decided to sit on the bleachers again.

I walked up with my usual i-am-alone-and-you-can't-talk-to-me expression and sat down.

Abby...was a few rows back...my vision blurred.

I turned around, but I didn't feel much better.

Was she feeling as awkward as me?

Heh, I can't really get her out of my head...

I think she was laughing with some of our friends.

I'd sit with the rest of them but it was just awkward, you know?

I'm more awkward then I seem. Was that the right one? Seem or seam????

AHEM, anyways.

Uh, yeah...

Day went as normal.

I mean, as normal as you can get when an entire person is missing...

There's always this blank space.

Even if you didn't know that anyone was gone, didn't you always sense that the day was slightly different than usual?

I always did, and then the next day I'd find out who and be like "oh, THAT explains it! Glad they're back!"

The feeling was like that, but different, considering the circumstances.

After school, Riley (my dude-friend whom I think is goofy and he also accepts me so I love him) walked down a level and we found Mrs. Shortbull (zee counselor) walking out of her office.

"Hi Skylar! Hi Riley!" Obviously the lovely and logical Mrs. S.

"I uh, was wondering if since didn't do it this morning, we could have the session now? Or no?" I asked like a nervous person with the speed of an ADHDer who forgot their medication.

Riley knew her, too and wanted to get some candy from her office (just so you know, he's got autism, and he's AWESOME, also i would die for him, he's like a brother to me. I would date him if I wasn't a boy because he's straight... I'm sure. Otherwise it's platonic because I only have crushes on people who I am compatible with. Now ya know!) I didn't mind because we talk a lot.

We walked down the hall and she and Riley talked as she filled up her water bottle.

I just kind of awkwardly stood there, waiting and stuff.

She finally finished and we walked back to her office.

Riley got his candy and left, and I walked into the office.

I had told her the day before about the Upset Letter, and now I was telling her about how I treated...her.

I told her about how I thought Abby was cute, and said so, when she asked me something.

"Don't you ever wonder if Abby is feeling the same way? Missing what you did for her?"

I wondered.

"I... don't know. I feel like she doesn't... need me anymore...she has a girlfriend that protects her, after all," My tone changed to a tiny, crumply voice at the bolded part.