————————————————————— | REAL LIFE | —————————————————————
THE LAST TIME CARINA HAD BEEN THIS HAZY WAS ABOUT SEVEN MONTHS AGO, and at that time it had been for a proper reason, or one that she could later justify to herself — she had been out with a few friends for a twenty first birthday, and she had woken up the next morning with perhaps the worst hangover she had ever had experienced, not to mention she couldn't remember a single thing from the night before and when she had found out what had happened ( namely almost hooking up with some guy who had done body shots off of her ) she wasn't happy with herself, deciding that she would rather enjoy the night with one small drink and being able to have the memories the next morning then having seven or eight and being absolutely wasted.
and she had been going well for a while, sure there was almost a few small slip up but it was nothing she couldn't come back from — and then she had decided she was ready for the world again, ready to put her life on a pedestal for everyone to judge.
But she wasn't worried about that, the girl with the ever changing hair colour could deal with people calling her out — she had dealt with it since she was young and she would deal with it forever. in fact she rather enjoyed it ( call her sadistic ) she found it funny that people would take time out of their crappy days to judge her life.
and when she had put her life up for the world to see she was excited, it had been years hiding from the public eye and forcing people to either edit her out of photos or just delete them in general — but what she hadn't counted on was the people from her past coming back into her life, obviously she missed a few of them and she couldn't deny she was closest to Will.
they had been friends for a few months before she had met the rest of the YouTube community, and she knew he was hurt that she hadn't told him she was releasing any songs, she also knew that he was risking friendships by even being in contact with her these last few years. and she felt bad, but she had only told five people about the whole ordeal and people just had to accept that.
so when Will had messaged asking about the song she could only say that it was just a way of expressing her old feelings —— well she had said that it was an old unfinished song that she finally had inspiration for, but that had been the end of it because the very said person who the song was written about had liked the photo. and carina had taken the first drink right then and there.
and when it had taken a turn for the worst one drink turned to three, and the glasses of wine then turned into four shots of vodka —— meaning that the girl was now completely hammered and those months of moderate drinking had gone right out the window and now meant absolutely nothing.
there was two different types of drunk carina.
Type one was giddy —— where she was all over everyone and trying to be the loudest in the room. oh and she laughed, a lot, like an annoying amount, her cousin once compared er drunk laugh to a dental drill.
Type two was sad —— this carina was the least common, the one found in the corner of the room nursing a drink she had been given twenty minutes earlier and more often than not she was crying, or simply caught in a funk that she could normally dig herself out of, if she was sober.
carina was definitely type two drunk right now, she was sheltered on her couch with a fluffy blanket and a strange amount of tissues surrounded her, most that had just been thrown out of the box in her fits of rage and pent up sadness.
she was holding onto her old phone, the one she used for all of her photos and videos she needed for storage, at this moment carina was searching through all the memories that the old phone held, her eyes swarming with tears and laughter erupting from her throat at any given time — she was glad that she was alone, because if anyone was to look in on her and what she was doing, they would most likely think she was insane, and it was fair play to them, because sometimes carina thought she was as well.
one video in particular caught her eye, and it was odd that it was over four years ago because even in her drunken state Carina could remember the day like it was yesterday.
they had gone bowling in London that day with a group of friends, it was one of the first things they had done together. Simon had his arm laying lazily over her shoulder, and whilst she would normally mind, having grown out of the highly affectionate stage in her life, she still found it oddly endearing. besides she enjoyed the height difference, being able to look up at him with a smile only to see him beaming back made her happy.
carina could tell his friends were confused at who she was, apparently she had met two of them before at the pub, but she honestly couldn't remember to save her life, because as much alcohol as she placed into her body, she still unfortunately, was not immune to it. and that night at the pub she had had a lot to drink.
they had been bowling in pairs and Simon had insisted to the group that the two of them were together, although carina was sure no one would have said anything otherwise, because while the group looked like they were very good at being loud and energetic, they didn't exactly look like they dealt with awkward well.
Carina had been next to bowl and she had overheard Simon telling one of his friends to take his camera and film it —— at the time she had thought he was just thinking she was going to fail miserably. but when she had swung her arm back he let out a horrifyingly loud noise that made her shriek and drop the ball instead of allowing it follow through down the lane.
Carina remembers the noise the bowling ball made as it came into contact with the floor and how red her face had gotten, she also remembered hearing the roar of laughter from behind her as the rest of the group she was with were sat clutching their stomachs as they howled.
Simon seeing how red her face had gotten had brought her in for a side hug with a small laugh, and Carina despite thinking that it too was hilarious, had weakly kicked his shin, and to make matters even more dramatic he then continued to hobble back to the benches with all of his weight leaning against her saying repeatedly "oh you've killed me"
she had been so happy that day, so happy thinking that she had found her new family —— and for a long time she had.
sometimes Carina wished she didn't live in the age of technology, where in a click of a button you could view a memory that was once pushed to the very very deepest crevice of your mind. but in the morning the girl would be glad for recently deleted photos, because as she was caught up in her anguish she pressed a tear covered delete button, hoping that it would erase the memory — but it wouldn't, it seemed that nothing would allow Carina to escape.
