I Love You, Best Friend.

Chapter Seventeen

"Natalie?" I asked, she looked up at me, "Are you okay?" 

"No," she said, "I'm not. We have to talk." She said. I walked around and opened the passenger side door. I sat in, and she turned the radio down. I looked at her and she wiped her eyes. 

"Baby," I said with a heavy and aching heart, "please. I can't stand to see you this way."

"Stop," she said and I looked at her confused. The tears continued to flow, "I tried. I can't do it."

"Do what?" I asked. 

"Come out to my mother." She spit, "She doesn't understand." 

"I know," I said rubbing her back, "but I do." 

"No," she said again, "my mother doesn't want me to see you again." My heart throbbed and I looked her over. She was serious. 

"But," I said, "we were so great together, and I don't want to lose that now." 

"I'm sorry Cade," she said, "I've got no choice in the matter." 

"You do," I said, "if you want it."

"How?" She demanded. 

"Secret," I said, "I can be your secret. Let me be your secret?" I asked too quickly. 

"I don't feel right about letting you be my secret." She said and I grimaced. My head was sore from over thinking the way she was. 

"Please?" I asked. 

"I don't know," she said, "let me think about it." 

"Fine," I said and I turned to walk into Archer's as she pulled out and headed down the road, but Gavin pulled in. He opened Cat's door, and she got out. It was starting to rain. I smiled at her, and Gavin pulled her into him. He kissed her hard, and my throat ached, but not nearly as hard as it would have. Archer came outside, and kick started his bike. Gavin pulled back and Cat watched Archer as he put his helmet on and took off roaring. 

"Did you do that?" She asked, motioning towards the bike. 

"Of course," I said, "nothing's hotter than a man on a bike." Gavin's brow scrunched and I smiled sweetly.

"Agreed." Cat said and he rolled his eyes and Cat kissed his cheek and shoulder. 

"I love you," he said to her, "more than anybody and anything." 

"I love you too," she said, "more than you'll ever know." He kissed the top of her head and I sighed. My breath pooled in a cloud of smoke in the air. It wasn't cold, it was the humidity and the rain. My eyes felt watery, but I was glad there was rain to be an excuse. I turned and walked into the house. 

"Bye," I heard Gavin mutter, "be good." 

"Aren't you going to wait for me?" She yelled to me. 

"No," I laughed, "you know how to get inside." She seemed phased in the least, and joined me on the porch. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. 

"You haven't smoked in ages," she said, "what's troubling you?"

"You've been gone," I said, "I've had to confide in myself." 

"What about Archer?" She asked, "Or Jake, or your girlfriend?" I grimaced again. Hearing her say girlfriend was bittersweet. 

"It's a long story," I said, "I'm kind of a lone ranger right now." The cat jumped into the window and Cat smiled. She was playing with Mitts through the glass. 

"You've got Mitts," she said and I was disappointed, "and me." She concluded.

"Yeah, I've got Mitts." I said. She looked me over as I inhaled another drag. 

"And me?" She asked.

"Well, kind of." I said, "You forgot how to answer a phone, or call me back. Or text me, or stop by." 

"I know," she sighed, "I've been busy. That's all." 

"I know," I said, "but I've been bored. You haven't made any effort." She looked away and I kicked at the rug. It was becoming awkward, quickly. 

"I'm sorry," she said, "I've been so busy being a fiance, I've neglected being a best friend." She made my throat and heart ache at the same time, but I couldn't muster the words to tell her then. 

"I'm sorry too," I said, "I'm not mad."

"Are you sure?" She asked. 

"Positive," I said and it was the truth. I could never, and would never be mad at her. She was precious to me, whether she was destroying me slowly or putting me back together. 

"We have a lot to catch up on," she smiled, and I nodded in response. It was true, we did have a bit to learn about each other. She was dying to spill her wedding plans and I was dying to tell her about Natalie in hopes of making her the least bit jealous. "Tell me everything?" She asked in a demanding tone. I didn't fight her, I did. I told her about Natalie, and our date. I told her about having sex, and showing her my scars. I told her about how Jake over stepped his boundaries. She nodded and soaked it in. Lastly I told her about Archer, confessing that he liked or likes me. 

"It's been a lot," I concluded, "I'm a bit emotionally messed up." I said. She smiled slowly and rubbed my back. We had sat on the couch, the same one we slept curled up together on so many times. She rested her head on my shoulder and I knew that meant that my time with her consciously was coming to an end. She nodded off. 

"Well," she brought herself back, "do you like Archer back?" 

"No," I said too quickly and caught the deception in my voice, "I'm gay."

"He's a bad boy on a bike, you said it yourself that he was hot." 

"But, guys can be hot. I'd never sleep with or get emotionally attached to a guy beyond friendship." I said. 

"Right," she didn't sound convinced and I could tell by her voice that she was going to continue talking about him so I cut her off with her favorite topic. 

"What did you have to tell me?" I asked, "Something about the wedding?" 

"Right!" She gasped, "We're pushing the date forward." She said, "It's going to be in early June." My heart sank to the bottom of my chest. I felt my stomach twist, and I wanted to ask her why. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. That it wasn't possible for her to do something so cruel to me. Then, realization. I had less than two months to tell her I was in love with her. I had less than two months to figure out if Natalie was worth anything to me at all, or if I did in fact like Archer, or Jake for that matter. When I opened my mouth I caught sound of her snoring. She was asleep on me, and I fell back against the couch and tugged her across me. She was out, and didn't even stir. Her mouth moved as if she were talking and I caught bits of words here and there. She was precious to me, now too. She broke me, and I loved her still. Archer wasn't home, but I needed his advice. As a friend. My phone chirped and I shut my eyes, waiting to see if she'd wake. She didn't. I checked the text. 

"Goodnight darling," from Natalie, "I think I love you too." I sighed and bit my lip. I realized then that I had bitten off more than I could chew. I needed to prioritize, and work through things with a rational mind.