I Love You, Best Friend.

Chapter Twenty One

I opened my eyes and pried my face from the metal bar of Cat's bed. I sat up quickly, rubbing my cheek and wondering it was red. My eyes burned and I had forgotten I was here. I checked the clock on my phone and realized it was three in the morning. I slid the lock off and read the text I had received. It was from Archer. 

"Hey gorgeous," it started, "I'm thinking about you nonstop and am just checking in. How are you? And Cat?" 

"Hey sweetheart," I replied, "I'm okay, just tired and sore. I need some coffee or something. Cat's still unconscious, I'm not leaving until I speak to her." I sent it out. I didn't expect a reply, it was three in the morning after all. I put the music player on my phone on and sang quietly as Cat slept. I ran my fingers through her thick tangles and felt sick to my stomach seeing her like this. The monitors beeped, and her heart rate was steady. It was far different from feeling her heart beat as I slept with my head on her chest, but I'd take it. It was calming to know she was still there, inside. A knock sounded at the door and I dropped my phone as I tried to pause it. I hadn't realized that my thoughts had carried me for nearly a half an hour. I went to the door and opened it slowly. Archer was standing there. He had a sleepy look about him, and a bag on his back. 

"Archer," I asked more than said, "what are you doing here?" I felt guilty standing in the door frame with him when Cat was not well in bed on the other side of the room, but seeing him made me feel brighter. Made my whole night a bit better. 

"Hey," he said nervously. His breath was fresh and I wondered what mine had smelled like. I tried to taste it, self consciously, "I know you want to be with her, so I'll only be a minute, but I had to see you." He handed me a large cup, and I smelled it. It was coffee, exactly the way I liked it. He swung the bag around, and handed it to me. 

"What's this?" I asked. 

"A pillow, a small blanket and two outfits. One pair of pajama pants, they're mine though, I hope you don't mind." I didn't, I felt like crying at the simplicity of Archer's kindness. I shut my eyes and walked to the table. Respectfully, he remained still. I walked towards him after setting the things down near the chair. I hugged him tight to me. 

"You're incredible," I whispered into the nape of his neck, "I'm the luckiest girl alive." 

"Not even," he said, and kissed the top of my head, "I'm lucky that you even know I'm alive." He said. I smiled up at him and he leaned in, kissing my lips gently. I kissed him back easily, and smiled into it. He pulled back and stood straight. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Take this opportunity," he said, "tell her the things you'd never be able to tell her before. 

"Like what?" I asked.

"Gavin. Or your feelings." He said.

"I can't," I said, "I can't tell her I'm in love with her. Not even now." He kissed my forehead and my temple slightly. 

"Try." He said, "I think I'm going to head home," he said, "and I think Cat's awake." He kissed my cheek before he left. He turned, without another word and walked back down the hallway. I shut the door, and walked back to Cat's bed. I sat in my chair and sipped at my coffee. She had stirred, but was most likely not awake. I put the music back on and began singing. A slow song came on, a long song. I thought of Cat through every word. She was beautiful, even now. She was asleep and the tubes were threaded through her, keeping her with me. I took her hand in mine and felt the feelings for the first time in a while. I realized the opportunity I had, here and now. I could say anything to her, and the likely hood was in my favor that she wouldn't remember a single thing. 

"Cat," I whispered and then choked. My phone chimed, and I slid the lock off, reading Archer's text. 

"Goodnight beautiful." He had sent. I smiled and replied. 

"Goodnight handsome, I'll see you soon." I looked back at Cat, and smiled. She was small, and childlike curled in that ball. 

"I love you," I whispered as I ran my hands through her hair, "more than you will ever know." She shifted under my touch and I jumped backwards quickly. 

"Cadence," she asked, "is that you?" 

"Yes," I whsipered, "I'm here." I froze due to the nerves. She reached for me and I moved in so she could feel my skin. She cupped my face and I tensed.

"I did," she muttered, "I heard what you said." I closed my eyes and waited for her to speak again. She didn't and I knew she was waiting for me to say something. To deny it, or to lie about it. I couldn't, and had been for far too long. 

"Cat," I started to hate myself for the shaking in my voice, "there's no need to lie about it anymore. I love you," I stopped, "but I don't just love you, I'm in love with you, my best friend." She gasped and I knew what was coming next. Rejection, hatred, failure. I stayed, frozen there and waiting. She hadn't said anything. She was looking into my dark eyes, wondering if I had meant it. I had, and she should have known that. It was painfully obvious, to everybody but her. I shut mine and broke the gaze. She ran her hand down my cheek and to my chin. I felt sick, and I wanted to run and leave her. My legs refused to let me. 

"Cadence," she said, "I had no idea, I'm so sorry." Her voice was ill, and it broke. 

"Gavin did," I said pointing blame as hot acid burned my throat and tears stung my eyes, "Gavin knew. He did all of this to keep you from me." 

"Cadence," she said, "that's silly." Her words felt like a slap, and my face froze. I stood up. 

"Cat," I tried to keep my voice calm, "we always have this talk and you always dismiss me as silly. I suppose you'll use jealous as an excuse now that you know. But I'm so sick of coming in second place to him." The tears rolled down my cheeks.

"It's not like that," she said but I wasn't about to let her take this opportunity away from me.

"It is like that," I said, "It's always been like this. You're the one person I have left, since my parents died. You treat me like I'm an option. Like we're just best friends." 

"We are!" She tried to yell but she only mouthed the words. 

"Not in that sense, I've considered you a sister to be for years. I've been completely at your ready for years. And for what? To be tossed aside and compared to Gavin? Cat, I'm not asking you to love me back but I'm asking you to treat me fairly. To consider me part of your life too, even if you're moving forward with it. Why can't I go forward too?" 

"Cadence," she said and I looked her over, "I'm not into you like that." 

"For fucks sake, are you deaf?!" I tried not to yell but it was hard. 

"I don't care, Cat. I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. I'm asking you to treat me like a fucking friend, but you haven't, for months." I grabbed my things from the table and headed to the door. 

"Cadence, stay." She said. 

"Where's Gavin?" I asked and then turned from the door. I walked out into the hallway and shut it. I pictured her weeping- like I did after every argument we had but it didn't hurt nearly as much to picture now. I got in the car, and headed straight for Archer's. If there was anything I neeed it was him. His voice, and his arms. I parked the car and slammed the door getting out and walking into Archer's without knocking. I walked up to his room and laid down next to him. 

"Hello." He said, "Why aren't you with-" 

"Don't say her name," I said, "please." 

"Oh no," he sighed and held on to me tight, "tell me everything. I'm right here baby." I took comfort in that, and did tell him everything. I told him that I told her, thinking she wouldn't know to get it off my chest and she turned it into a huge deal. He sighed, holding me.