Always (Boyxboy)

Chapter Sixteen- Tyler

A/n for the record, Tyler is not really insane. He's just overtired and kind of having a psychotic break

It was one o'clock in the moring, and Tyler was going insane.

He had spent the evening after James left with his mother as he had promised, doing all of the things she had read about, eating all of the foods she thought would help. At the end of it all, she had made him drink another cup of tea before sending him up to his room with a tube of lavender scented lotion he was supposed to put on before going to sleep. He did everything just as she said, and felt thoroughly exhausted by the end– whether it was from all of the things they had tried, or from indulging his mother and pretending to be optimistic, he would never know– but when he laid in his bed and closed his eyes, nothing happened.

He waited, and waited, and waited, and when still, sleep did not reach him, he rolled over and cried into his pillow, wondering if this was the night where he truly went insane. It seemed impossible that he had ever been this tired before in his life, too tired to actually fall asleep. Crying didn't even help, it only made his eyes feel more dry when he finished.

In his head, he counted to one thousand. Then, because he was still awake and miserable, he started at one thousand and counted down to one.

He wondered how long someone could go without sleep before they died. He also wondered why there was sugar in ketchup, and how long it would take him to learn a backflip. It would be cool to show people that he could do a backflip, and what would his mother say when she saw his face in the morning and his eyes were all rim with dark.

She'd probably say he couldn't go to school but it was going to be a Saturday so he didn't have school and she's send him up to bed and tell him to try and rest but he wouldn't be able to rest because Ace was dead and he loved Pierce and he was probably going to go to hell in a handbasket.

Then he thought about how Ace kissed him and how Pierce kissed him and how James had kissed Taylor that one time in the theater when he had sprayed soda on them. He wondered if Ace ever told James that was him, or if his friend had figured it out on his own and never said anything. Tyler couldn't remember what kind of soda it had been, and that deeply distressed him, because for some reason he suddenly couldn't imagine Ace eating any kind of food and at that exact moment that seemed important.

His pillow got more tears then, because he realized that none of the things he was thinking about were important, and he was really truly going crazy.

He thought about other crazy things then, because he was too tired not to. He thought about how fast hummingbirds wings could beat, and how few times he had sucked Pierce's dick, and how wonderful he thought the man tasted on his tongue. Then he thought the name Pierce Pierce Pierce Pierce Pierce what he thought was one thousand times, because Pierce was a little crazy too.

He tried to say Pierce backwards from one thousand and then remembered you couldn't count names like that and held his pillow over his face.

"I can't do this anymore," He said, out loud because there was on one there to hear and judge him. "I need him". Pierce Pierce Pierce Pierce.

So many bad decisions were made from then on out. If Tyler had been thinking— if he had gotten sleep and been able to think— he would have awoken his mother, or, no, better option, found his phone from where his mother had stashed it earlier and called James and asked him for a ride to Pierce's, but he wasn't thinking, he was tired, so at one thirty in the morning, at his most crazy, Tyler climbed into his car and backed it slowly out of the driveway. He had enough sense to do it quietly, making sure his parents didn't wake from their slumber and run out to stop him. Then they would just put him back to bed and he would go back to not sleeping, and that was no longer an option if his sanity was to be maintained.