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13 ~ All That Mattered

I picked up the old tripod out of the back of my closet. I sat it up in the middle of my room. I put on my phone on it, since we no longer had a good camera, and I pressed the red button. It made the noise to tell me it's recording. I sat on my bed, then opened my mouth to speak. It occurred to me that maybe filming something to post later might not be the best idea, since my friends could find my phone or my dad. I stopped the video, deleted it, and went on instagram for the first time in months. I pressed live.

3, 2, 1, you're live.

I looked at myself on my phone. I had dried tears on my cheeks, my hair looked a mess, and my sweatshirt was dirty, but none of it mattered. All that mattered was that my dad was asleep and I was awake, preparing to tell the internet everything.

Two hundred people were watching. A bunch of questions were being asked. I answered some that didn't have to do with what was being talked about. Someone asked if they should screen record. I wrote a comment that said "screen record this and post it after" and pinned it. A minute or so later, almost a thousand people were watching. I said that I would start talking in five minutes, at exactly ten o'clock my time, or when I reached five thousand viewers, and I wanted everyone that was able to to screen record and post this after I'm done.

I reached seven thousand before the five minutes were up.

I opened my mouth. Nothing came out. I started tearing up. You got this, Hay. Take your time, one of the comments said. I smiled weakly, then took a deep breath.

"Since our family stopped YouTube, a lot has happened. If I shut down while on this video, that's why. I can't really handle this anymore, but I need to talk about it, because if I don't, I'll never be open with anything again. But I am going to say that I'm going back to YouTube.

"Around a year ago, Annie started to fall. I watched her deteriorate in front of my eyes. My father and my mom didn't seem to care. I recently realized that this wasn't my dad's fault, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, uhh, Annie. . ." I trailed off. I noticed that Paige among a few hundred more people had joined. I decided not to care.

"Annie tried to kill herself. She jumped out her bedroom window." I started crying. I got up and walked to the other side of my room. I paced for about a minute. I then came back to the camera.

"It was the most traumatizing moment of my life. She did survive though. But, umm, a little over a week later, she passed away. We don't know why, but suspect it's a heart-related issue. The doctor doesn't think it's what Caleb had, though. We'll probably find out a few days from now. But Julianna Grace Leblanc passed away earlier today, April eighth, at ten twenty-three this morning. The night before, my mom left." I suddenly started sobbing.

It took me several minutes to collect myself.

"She wasn't home for dinner last night. We figured that she had gone to get dessert or something, but she never returned. I found a note in the morning. She said that she had left for the betterment of our family or some crap like that. She had only left one for me and my dad. She didn't leave Annie a note. Annie was still alive before she left, though.

"And when I returned from the hospital after Annie died, I found a drawing that Annie made of her, Caleb, and a little girl that wasn't me. It was my older sister that had been adopted out before I was born. My dad thinks that she was given away because my mom was a sociopath that probably had several things wrong with her, and she desperately wanted to get rid of my sister. Sadie Marie, if you're watching, just know that I love you and I really want to meet you some day," I smiled sadly.

"Well, it was kinda nice to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening to my horrific life. Signing out, Hayley Leblanc."

I ended the live, plugged in my phone, and went to bed. I wasn't surprised when the screen recordings that had been posted were viral the next morning, but what I was surprised about was my dream that night.