The Keeping of Words | Spencer Reid

22| Footsteps Away

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love." – Mother Teresa

On they way back, she asked him to explain everything to her, and he obliged, telling her about Charleston in detail, and how he'd lost his mind after watching Johnson Douglass kill himself. With every sentence, things clicked into place as their interactions made sense, the distance and the arguments now placed in a proper context. It was difficult to listen to how just how many times he'd used since first calling the dealer. By the time they reached his apartment, he was telling her about the things that went through his head with every hit. It chilled her, to picture him so devastatingly empty, and so willfully removed from the world.

They sat at the small kitchen table, a cup of coffee in his hands, and a mug full of hot tea in hers. "So what are you going to do about getting clean?" she asked him.

"I want to detox here. I know that won't be easy, but I've done it once before. After that, I guess I'll think about seeing a therapist maybe? I'd need someone who works with psychologists or something, so I can't just profile my way through it. And I think it might help if I start attending NA meetings again." He swirled his coffee around in his cup, peering into it as though it held the solution.

"I want to stay with you then, while you're detoxing," Bianca declared. That was enough to draw his eyes away from the coffee.

"You don't have to do that B," he said quickly. "I can get someone from my team to come over. I don't want to put you through that." The way he said it made it clear he felt he had put her through too much already. What would it take for him to realize that her love for him wouldn't be scared away? He'd loved her that way, not judging her, not balking upon meeting her family, even trying to bring her into his own.

"And what if they get called away on a case?" she countered. "I don't want to leave you here alone. Spencer, I looked it up. Going cold turkey on Dilaudid can be dangerous. Withdrawal only lasts about a week and I know it's not going to be easy, but that's exactly why I want to be with you. You're going to need help. And I'd feel much better knowing that you're okay. I promised, remember?"

He gave in. Arrangements were easily made, as she had class only twice a week over the summer break. It was easy enough to explain to her professor that there was a family emergency, and to find someone to get her a copy of the notes. Taking his car keys, she drove across the city to collect her things and to prepare for the week ahead. She wanted to be with him as much as possible.

From her own apartment, she threw some clothes into a duffel bag, along with a couple pillows and a blanket. At the library, she checked out a small stack of books to share between them, and some old movies. Her last stop before returning back to Spencer was the grocery store. They'd gone shopping together a handful of times, so Bianca had an idea of what to buy, taking care to purchase things like saltine crackers, Gatorade, and soda. The pharmacy had a few prescriptions she picked up for him, including anti-nausea and sleep aids; and then she was on her way back.

It took her nearly three trips to bring everything inside, but she insisted on Reid resting - "I'm still amazed that someone your size can carry so much," he teased her. "I'm very efficient," she replied - and they unpacked everything together, putting groceries in the fridge and organizing medications on the counter.

"So what else do I need to know?" Bianca asked, sitting down on the couch. "I mean, Google told me the basics, but you've been through it once before. You know what to expect."

Spencer considered this for a moment, pulling memories from the past and into the present. "The first 24 hours is typically when the mental craving is most intense. After that, the physiological symptoms start to set in. Sweating, restlessness, loss of appetite, severe nausea. Last time, it was the second day that was the hardest. I'll probably be sick all night, and most of the following day. From there, the real problem becomes sleep. The insomnia can be so bad that some addicts turn to benzodiazepines or Xanax, but I'm not exactly partial to that. It'll be difficult to keep anything down, and I'll be lucky to get an hour of sleep per night. Between the headaches, the lack of rest, and the near constant nausea, it'll be a rough week."