Thank You Woojin

Nine or None

"Bye guys, I'll see you on the other side of the finish line I promise, don't miss me too much."

Felix dragged himself out of bed, limbs heavy. "Woojin hyunggg wake up." No answer. Felix peered at the top bunk, finding it unsurprisingly empty and clean; Woojin sometimes got up early for a walk or an extra long shower. Despite that, there was something Felix couldn't put a finger to, a sickening feeling that he was missing out on something but he still wouldn't have been able figure it out if he'd tried with two. The cold floor told him nothing was off, though, and that everyone would get up one by one and they'd leave the dorm for their daily schedule so Felix decided to trust the floor, commencing his stumbling into the bathroom and the splashing of his face with icy water before reaching for his shaving cream and razor. But something made him do a double take. After looking closer at the clutter on the sink, Felix settled with a someone having cleaned up the counter a bit, what else could it be?

Once done with his business, the lilac haired boy shuffled into the lounge, expecting to find the early risen Woojin and maybe a Changbin who had decided that sleep was not trendy enough, but instead finding something else; something which snapped him out of his morning wooziness and slapping in the fact that it hasn't been a sickening dream. His stomach plummeted and his heart started pacing unnaturally. Woojin was actually gone.

Jisung was balled up on the sofa, blanket draped over his shoulders, a large bowl of something decidedly unhealthy looking on his lap, eyes red. He lifted his head at hearing footsteps, looking back down after taking note of who it was. Felix wordlessly padded over to the sofa, sitting down next to the Jisung and pulling the blanket over himself, face numb. He leaned into the boy who shifted around to encase Felix within his limbs. Usually it was Woojins broad shoulders and steady arms which hugged his sorrows away, Jisungs spindly self wasn't right, and he was sure Jisung felt about the same.

"Sungie, what are you eating?"

"I don't know."

"It doesn't look healthy."

"Woojin hyung would never say that."

"I'm not hyung."

"That's your fault."

"...not really Sungie."

"Don't come and tell me off about what I'm eating Lix that's not your job."

"..."

"Sorry Lix."

"It's okay." Felix settled himself further into Jisungs slackening grip. "It's gonna be okay."

"I just wish he would come back Lix, even just for a minute."

So did Felix. Or did he? He didn't know. If he did come for a visit it would be temporary; everything with Woojin would now be temporary. And that would never be the same, it would never be right. Felix thought he'd rather Woojin never visit, it would be too uncanny. A Woojin with a life far apart from theirs, they wouldn't be on the same boat ever again. All he'd do would be long for the good days again; days which would never come.

——

"Don't be strangers okay guys." The door closed on Woojin and the rattle of suitcases on the floor faded. The members were all still in denial, gathered around the door with sheet white faces. No one had given them time to register this, they simply got a call from JYP less than a day ago and had a solemn Woojin confirm the news: Woojin of Stray Kids had terminated his contract and was leaving the group. No explanation.

"Guys I'll explain as soon as I can but I've got to leave right away okay? Don't get too hung up, you have another comeback soon."

"Hyung how can you say comeback in the middle of all this, why didn't you say anything?" Jisung almost cried.

"I did, I have now, calm down Sungie." Woojin patted the boys hair with a small smile on his face. All the members were gathered on the floor around him, unable to process.

"But how to we reach the finish line now hyung we promised. You promised; nine or none, you can't just leave that's too mean," said Jeongin, voice cracking. Woojins smile faded a bit but his words were ever cheerful."It's nine or none right? If theres nine of us or none of us or even just one of us, we'll still cross the finish line."

"Hyung no, that's too mean..."

——

That was when Hyunjin walked in, Hyunjin who, after having gotten over the initial trauma of waking up, usually made a loud fuss over breakfast but today was silent as he pulled out pans and bowls, filing through ingredients in the fridge, almost mechanically. Who was Felix to question him. One by one the boys gathered, some with puffy eyes, others with puffy eyes which they were trying to hide and others who was just trying to imagine it was all a lie. They were around the table, a stack in pancakes in the middle of the table which no one was touching and a gaping empty chair. Two gaping, empty chairs.

"Where's Chan?" asked Seungmin quietly.

"He was asleep when I left the room," said Changbin, "But no promise that he was actually asleep."

"Let me see." Jeongin rose from the table, making his way to the room Chan slept in, twisting the handle down. "Locked," he called, "It's locked."

"Dammit Chan." Changbin stood up making his way to the door and rapping on it. "Chan hyung open up, I don't want u doing anything stupid in there." No answer. "Channie hyung open the door."

"Hyung please," chipped in Jeongin.

"Chan you're not helping, I know for a fact that you're in there blaming yourself for all this. Woojin left because he had to, not everything is about you okay so open the door."

Click.

Changbin waved over at everyone. "Cmon guys, he needs us."

The group filed into Chan and Changbin's shared bedroom; which was dimly lit what with the curtains being drawn but a figure could still be made out, lumped into a corner of the bed. The figure was still for a moment and then shook with a sob cracking Felix's already dented heart.

Woojin had always been that member who had stayed a little in the shadows, never taking the spotlight for himself yet always being the foundation for the rest of them. He would pet them when they wanted love and soothe them when they couldn't find consolation. And Chan. Who was going to take care of Chan? Chan who took care of everyone but at the end of the day always had Woojin to go to because only he was good enough at that. Woojin was his rock.

"Hey Chan, saying we're here for you is way too generic so instead I'll say that if you want whipped cream it's already yours," said Changbin. Chan let out another sob laced with a laugh, emerging from under his blanket. He opened his mouth in an attempt to speak but was cut off by a fresh wave of tears.

"I'm so sorry you- you have to see... see me like this." Chan's cracked and he hid himself back under his blanket before being overcome with sobs.

"Chan calm down and come out from there, lets get you something eat to okay?" said Changbin sweetly, even though he sounded pained, and the boys gathered around the bed nodded too, some wiping stay tears from their cheeks.

"I can't Changbin I can't. I can't look up and see all of you and see that there's only seven people in front of me. Its like the survival show again I just can't."

Changbin's bittersweet smile disappeared and Felix could feel all the members were getting heavily affected by Chan's tears, most of them trying to hold in sobs at this point too.

It was all so cruel. So, so cruel. And there was nothing anyone could say to console Chan, how could they when they couldn't even console themselves? They weren't Woojin and they never would be.