It's Nothing

Chapter 5

I think the whole day about how no one is ever okay it's all an illusion. Happiness is just a mold that is used to make us but happiness isn't us. We all have our "happy" moments but it's just fake because for you to be happy you had to have been sad before.
I got to school the next day with the most happiest fake smile ever. I talk we laugh, we smile (fake smile), and go on with our lives. I see her at the end of the day and We hug for a long time but it feels like seconds. When she lets go it's like I let go of my soul and it just drifted away. But then it came back because it got lost in the shadows because my soul is blacker than night. I felt a pain in my hear pt again. I hate these feelings, but I love her. My life's a mess.
Why is my life never in order. If I end it no one will notice. I mean no ones noticing how I'm slowly drifting away from myself. No one cares unless your pretty (handsome) or dead. I go on Instagram and look through my feed and I see this picture that just holds me down. It says "all souls are black, and the sun shows them that is our shadow, they follow us because they have no where to go until it's dark" I go into my drawer and grab a blade and slit my wrist. I can't handle it anymore. I cut 9 or 10 times more at that moment I can't even remember. I sleep, well fake sleep, because I can't the pain is gone but the blood is there. I daze to sleep until I get a text, it's my gf.
*hi*
*sup*
*what you up to?*
*nothin really just thinkin you?*
*Drawing*
*cool*
*so what Are you thinkin about?*
*life*
*oh..*
*ya so what are you drawing?*
*Idk I'm just doodlin haha*
*oh cool*
*ya*
*hey I gtg but I will see you tomorrow*
*okay bye, I love you*
*i love you 2*
I get the blade again. She's to perfect and I'm just so imperfect. Why can't she see that I'm dying inside. But what if she's dying just like me, what if she's slowly drifting away. No she can't she's to smart and happy for that. I hope....