Breaking Point

Shauna POV:

I walk to my locker inspecting a blue post-it note stating 'Smile :D' on it. For a second, I can feel the edges of my lips tug upward but I throw it away, like all the other notes left on my locker this year by Zeke. He's friendly, funny, and hot which I've learned can be a dangerous combination when it comes to boys. Especially when you add social anxiety into the mix. My time is limited and I'd rather not spend it on him, though. To be honest, I want to collapse from exhaustion and I'm not exaggerating. I've only gotten about 4 hours of sleep a day for the last three weeks and it can't go on like this. As much as I love Lynn and Hector, I can't find the energy to take care of them. They fight all the time and I feel as if my brain might explode if they don't stop. I'm usually the one who has to stop them. My dad isn't home much unless he's sleeping. He works hard to keep us afloat and I appreciate that but it's not enough. Something I've learned to enjoy is the fact that my first-period class is free. Something about just reading for the first 45 minutes of the day is comforting. Everything first-period would be perfect if I didn't share it with an imbecile (at least Zeke's a funny imbecile). He found out he had the same free period as me as soon as the school year started, he's stuck with me even though I ignore him and read.

"You know, we're like water and fire. You're more like the water, really calm and still. I'm more like the fire. Unpredictable and crazy! You know what happens when you combine water and fire?" Zeke says. Despite the fact that I've ignored him every single free period since the school year started, he continued to talk to me. It was starting to really get on my nerves. He was stubborn, really stubborn. So, I put down my book and glared at him for a full three seconds.

"Water will most likely extinguish the fire," I finally say. I don't know what I said it, it would only egg him on.

"You get steam," he says with a smirk that I can only describe as boyish. I sigh and move one more seat away from him. His jokes were terrible and I hated them in every way a human could possibly hate something. He moved right next to me once again, glancing at my book.

"Don't trust atoms, they make up everything," he says grinning as if it were the best joke in the world. Part of me holds back a smile while the other loathes him.

"Get it? Cause atoms make up everything?" he says and I continue to ignore him.

"You know why girls are like cherry tomatoes?" Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.

"Both of them can squirt!" He says erupting in laughter. Something inside of me breaks and I shut my book and get up.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Shut up! Your jokes aren't even funny! I deal with it every fucking day and I'm tired of it. Don't talk to me! You're just intolerable!" I say, scooping up stuff as fast as possible.

"C' mon, Shauna. I was-" I cut him off.

"The world would be better without you," I hiss, looking him straight in the eye as I exit. Something in him strikes and he just stays quiet. I need to be alone. Really badly. I can't believe I just said all that. I wish I hadn't said all that. I didn't mean to take out all my frustrations on him, it wasn't fair. For a second, I think he followed me out here, I almost wish he did. But the only thing that seems to be following me is silence. The brutal kind where all you can hear are your shoes as you walk, letting nothing take your mind off of what you just did. All the stress of taking care of everything and one around the house and Zeke was not a good combination. I think about Lynn and Hector, my younger siblings. It wasn't fair, I had to take care of them. I know my father works his ass off but it's just not enough. I go to the parking lot and find my car and sat there for about ten minutes just crying.

The next day I sit at the library in peace. Alone. Completely quiet. I glance at the door every few seconds, almost hoping Zeke would come in and crack one of his stupid jokes. But he doesn't. I see him in the halls but he doesn't even look at me. I wish he would smile and wave at me like he used to. Maybe once I should've just smiled back at least once.

Time speeds up and slows down over the course of the next seven days and I can feel the knot in my stomach becoming tighter. I wish I hadn't thrown out the 'Smile :D' post-it. I wish I hadn't thrown out any of those post-its. I really need them. When people say they're at their breaking point, it's nothing compared to this. Nothing. I can't do this anymore, tomorrow I want to do something different.

When I reach school the next day, I shrug off my backpack and take my phone out, not bothering to even pick up my book. I need to make things better or at least right. I rack my brain for everywhere he likes to go. Basketball court? Too far. Library? He's been avoiding it. By his locker? I don't even know where that is. My mouth turns dry as I realize that I'd probably need to stop him in the halls to know where he's at. That means in front of his friends. That means there's a chance everyone would know what a terrible person I was. That means my social anxiety might take over and forbid me from saying anything. Maybe I should find out where his locker is from observation. That might work. What if I should just let it go? Words are the hardest thing a person can take back. That's why I'm so quiet. That's why I don't explode at people. My head snaps up to the sound of footsteps. I watch as Zeke slowly walks to his locker, not acknowledging me. His locker isn't very far from mine. I never realized how close it actually was. Taking a deep breath, I walk behind him and timidly tap him on the shoulder. He flinches as he realizes that it's me.

"What do you want?" he snaps.

"Uh, I, um, I'm sorry," I manage to choke out.

"No, it's fine," he says with a dry laugh, "I agree, the world would be a better place without me and my stupid intolerable jokes,"

"I didn't mean that-" I try to say.

"Why are you even talking to me? Didn't you want me to stay away? Did you miss toying around with me? Huh?" He asks looking straight into my eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. He was right. I asked him to stop talking to me.

"Get the fuck away from me. I only hung out with you because I felt bad for you. Now I realize why you're alone. You're just a bitch until you want something," His eyes stay on me the entire time and I feel paralyzed with something I've never felt to this degree before. I want to move but I can't. I'm stunned. I don't realize I'm crying until I feel something hot and wet on my cheeks. Something probably breaks inside him too because he starts shaking. He opens his mouth and closes it and then opens it again.

"I didn't mean tha-" He begins softly but I'm already walking away. This was a bad idea. A bad, bad one. I can feel his eyes on me while I walk away. Part of me wishes he would follow after me. Part of me knows that part of him maybe wants to. Maybe if he did follow me I would've listened to him and maybe even let him reason with me. I would've apologized and let him apologize. Maybe I'd no longer be so lonely sitting in the library by myself every morning. None of that happens. All that's left is me walking away like I always do.

"I like you a lot, Shauna," I freeze, unable to react to what I hear. I don't turn around, I'm too afraid.

"I don't want you to hate me. Please, just ignore me. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that after you apologized," I can hear him walking closer to me but I resist the urge to turn around.

"I, I-I" I try to form some sort of sentence but nothing comes out.

"Friends?" He asked, his eyes piercing into mine. Slight pain was woven into them. Pain even I couldn't comprehend. I give him a small nod and watch his face light up. It's gonna be alright.

A/N: I don't know. I literally pulled this together in an hour. I never even planned on posting any more stories or even one-shots or anything. It's kinda short and I read through it and thought 'Oh my god, what the hell was I thinking with that second innuendo'. Well fuck. This is what I get for writing kinda late when I have no brainpower. Anyways, comments? If it sucks, straight out tell me it sucks and why. G'night (or morning or whatever). I've also posted this on another fanfiction site...