Crash into You

Chapter Nineteen

Clare

I only felt bad about bailing on Devlin every other minute. Maybe I would've done things differently if Livvie hadn't showed up for an impromptu sleepover, but since I couldn't tell her about my promise to go with Devlin to Ridgewood, I broke my word. Not that he really expected me to show up anyways.

At first Livvie and I skirted the topic of leaving Mark in my bedroom while I disappeared for the rest of the day. It didn't last long. While she ate popcorn and chocolate ice cream, she shared with me how he was so understanding and said that we could slow things down to crawl if I wasn't ready for sex. That went directly against what Devlin told me about the locker room bet, and yet Livvie believed Mark. 

I don't know why I let Devlin cast doubts in my mind about Mark's character. I was the one who asked Mark over to my house. I flaked on him twice, and he still wanted me to come to watch his band play. So why didn't I want to go?

Maybe it was because Jared would be at the club with Livvie. I hated being near him - I hated it. It wasn't always that way though. At one point I had a huge crush on him. Before he ever even noticed Livvie, I noticed him with his cocky grin and dreamy, lean muscular body. 

Devlin asked if I was a virgin, and I didn't respond. Not that I would tell him one way or another, but the truth was I didn't know if I was or not. There were sketchy moments of Livvie leaving to go off with some guy at a party at Jared's house and him offering me a drink. One drink led to two and then maybe a third. 

It was stupid feeling sick to my stomach over something I couldn't remember. Did I blackout, yeah, but if something had happened between me and Jared, he would've told me. 

"I know what that expression means, and you're not bailing tonight," Livvie said, primping in the mirror in her body hugging dress. Leaning over the vanity, she ran a finger along the edge of her lower lip to remove a smudge of red lipstick. "For some crazy reason Mark isn't pissed off that you flaked on him. He's a great guy and as your best friend I'm not going to let you mess this up."

"Why is he so interested in me, Liv?" I said as I rummaged through my closet for something to wear. "I'm not like you. I'm not pretty or interesting."

"You're interesting," she said, eyeing me through the mirror. My lips curled downward. "You are. And besides, not every guy is only interested in looks."

"I know." Glancing her way, I sighed. "I don't have anything to wear. I'm fat and ugly, and if I go with you, I'll only end up embarrassing you and Mark."

"Just pick something." She turned away from the mirror, and gestured to the closet. When I made no move to look for an outfit, she padded across the lavender carpet, sifted through my wardrobe, and pulled out a pair of jeans and the yellow blouse she'd talked me into buying. "It's going to be dark in the club, Clare. Trust me, no one's going to be looking at what you're wearing."

"Okay," I mumbled, and snatching the clothes out of her hand, I headed into the bathroom to get ready. 

She was right. No one would even cast a fleeting glance in my direction. As always, she was trying her best to help me get over my insecurities, and I didn't want to disappoint her again. So I put on the jeans, and slipped on the flowing yellow shirt with a floral print with loose pleats that weren't flattering in the slightest. To me it looked like I raided my mother's closet, but Livvie said it was a good color for me, and I trusted her taste in clothing more than my own. 

I ran a brush through my hair then went out to have Livvie do my makeup. She decided to go with a light natural look, and as it would be dimly lit at the Ocean Club I didn't argue for a more dramatic transformation. Not that makeup could make me beautiful, but Livvie's promise of how I looked okay meant a helluva lot to me. 

Jared drove us to the club, and it only took the twenty minute drive for him to put me in my place and remind me no less than seven times why no one liked me or thought I was remotely attractive. Livvie made a feeble attempt to shut him up, but not wanting to ruin their evening, she gave up.

It took every last shred of strength I had left in me to plaster on a smile when we got out of the car. Not that Livvie noticed, too busy kissing my constant tormentor to even realize I'd left them to walk to the entrance of the club. 

I stood off to the side as other people entered the club, every single one of them laughing and talking, and dressed in pretty clothes while I looked sorely out of place. Fingers laced, Livvie and Jared headed over to where I stood, and after getting our hands stamped for under twenty-one, we went inside. 

My head fell back on shoulders as I looked up at the white railings of the second floor where people were mingling and having a good time while music pulsated through the club. Blue and green neon lights ran along the length of the upper and lower rails, casting a warm glow on their smiling faces, and I wondered what they had in their lives to be so happy about. 

The same blue and green neon lights lit up the bar and there were fake palm trees scattered around the spacious room with white lights wrapped around the trunks and wide fanning leaves. My gaze then traveled to the black curtain lowered over the stage.  

While I was preoccupied looking around the club, Livvie and Jared disappeared into the crush of people, leaving me alone in the crowd. Why I thought they'd spend the night keeping me company, boggled my mind. I didn't see them make their way to the stage as the band started to play. 

No, I stood alone by the stage while Mark strutted around the stage playing his Fender Stratocaster without a shirt on. There was no denying that he was talented, and like every other girl, my eyes kept returning his glistening abs. His hazel eyes found mine several times, and heat flushed my cheeks as he winked. By the time they finished playing, butterflies were flapping wildly in my stomach. 

Another half hour passed with no sight of Livvie or Jared, and finally Mark strolled out of the dressing room dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. He made his way over to me, stopping to talk to several girls along the way until he finally came to stand before me. 

"You made it," he said, talking above the music that had resumed playing. "What did you think?"

"You were amazing," I gushed, forcing myself to look up into his eyes. "Seriously, you are so talented."

"Thanks." Grinning, he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "I've gotta head out." He hitched a thumb over his shoulder. "We have to pack up the equipment and head back to Joey's place."

"Oh…." My heart dropped into the pit of my churning stomach. "All right...I-I'll see you in school."

"Yeah, sure. We can have lunch together if you want." When I nodded, he added, "Okay, I'll see ya then." 

I watched him disappear into the crowd then pushed my way through the people dancing on the dance floor and hurried toward the exit. I made it all the way to where Jared parked his car before I noticed a white car was now parked where his Jeep had been. 

They left me stranded, another kick to the gut on an already horrible evening. I kept telling myself that Livvie must have thought Mark would drive me home or they wouldn't have left. Nonetheless, that didn't keep Devlin's husky voice from whispering through my mind that Livvie wasn't really my friend. 

I pulled out my phone to check for a text from Livvie, and finding none, I called my mom. She answered on the third ring, and swallowing hard around the painful knot forming in my throat, I said, "Mom, can you pick me up at the Ocean Club? Livvie thought I was getting a ride so she and Jared left."

"Are you okay, Clare?" she said after a lengthy pause. 

"I'm fine, mom, I just need a ride home."

"Okay, honey." She sighed into the phone, and I heard my dad's voice in the background. "Your dad will be there to get you in about a half hour."

"Thanks," I whispered, hanging up before she could ask again if anything was wrong.